043: I DON’T WANT THE WORLD, I WANT YOU!

Have you stopped to think about what your spouse and family really want from you?

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Do you know that most of them would be willing to have less “stuff” if it meant more of you?

Part of making your marriage extraordinary is investing in the relationships that matter most.

This week we challenge you to really evaluate what intimacies you are providing your spouse.

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9 thoughts on “043: I DON’T WANT THE WORLD, I WANT YOU!

  1. My friend started talking about ONE Extraordinary Marriage on her facebook and I was intrigued and have been an avid follower ever since. I look forward to Tuesdays so I can listen to the newest podcasts. Even if they don’t pertain to my life at that moment, I know that one day they might or I may have a friend who will be able to benefit from your experience, as well. They also provide me an hour of sanity in the midst of my crazy morning! Today’s podcast really hit home and I felt moved to share my experience.When my husband and I got together, there were a few months in the beginning that we struggled with our dynamic. I’m the main bread-winner in our family and that took some getting used to. Not because either of us had issue with it at first, but b/c friends & family would offer suggestions for better paying jobs and eventually I fell into the fold and began pressuring my husband about finding a “better” job as well. It caused quite a bit of turmoil for us to live up to these standards and try to reach this status quo that others placed on us. What had been a non-issue for us suddenly became a pretty big one as I let this image of the “perfect” marriage/family take control. At one point, my husband and I sat down and looked at the problem head-on and realized that there were much better paying jobs out there, but each of those would require him to work hours that directly conflicted with my work schedule and my daughter’s school schedule. Basically, we would rarely see each other. So we took stock of our situation and it was a no-brainer that the higher income wasn’t worth losing our family’s time together. We are so blessed to have jobs that provide us 4+ hours a day of family time during the week & full weekends together. And once our daughter is asleep, we still get between 1.5 – 2 hours of couple-time before we go to bed. There truly is no way to place a monetary value on that time and so we made the decision that we would no longer let the opinions of the rest of the world dictate what is right for our marriage.From that moment forward we have stood strong on this issue and anytime someone brings it up, we dismiss it and explain that our relationship and our family are far more important than earning a higher wage. We may have to give up certain luxuries, but we gained one that outweighs any other. Hearing Alisa get choked up at the thought of how so many families suffer b/c they’re chasing the “American dream” reminded me of that time in our marriage and just reinforces to me that we made the right decision. Living up to the status quo can be a very strong temptation, but there are certain things that just aren’t worth the price.Thank you so much for covering this topic!! I can’t wait for my husband to get off work so we can discuss it and rejoice in the fact that we have overcome this particular obstacle in our lives and are stronger for it.

    • Trish,

      We are so glad to have you as part of our community. Thank you for sharing how your family has worked through a challenging dynamic regarding the work situation and other people’s perception of the “right” way. Throughout your message I can hear the strength of your marriage relationship, the commitment that the two of you have made to put your marriage first and to build a solid foundation for your daughter.

      It really sounds like the two of you have the type of extraordinary marriage that other’s want to emulate. It’s always nice to hear how other couples are making it work!

      Thank you,
      Alisa

  2. I just wanted to add my opinion really quick… We have decided that the best decision for our children and for our whole family is that I stay home, even though I have potential to earn a comfortable salary. I have often struggled with the desire to have the “stuff” that the “other” women seem to have but know that my rewards far outweigh the material rewards that they might acquire. It hit home for me when you reminded us that it could all be gone tomorrow and then what would you have?? Just a bunch of stuff and no relationships to comfort you. Anyway, I really felt relieved to know we are not so alone and just wanted to applaud you guys for supporting, what we feel, is the correct way of “doing” life. 🙂
    I guess I could get all sappy and stuff and tell you more stories, but the short of it is, I appreciate that you are using your platform to reinforce family values. We feel really strongly about this subject too. Thanks and keep up the great work. We have been inspired by you guys. Yay!

    • Jen,

      I so appreciate your comments. It’s hard to see what others have and not have some jealousy or envy but when you really think about what matters to you, perspective just seems to fall into place.

      YOU are not alone, the ONE community is about couples like yourselves, making a solid foundation for their families and for generations to come.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment.

      Alisa

  3. Trish,

    We are so glad to have you as part of our community. Thank you for sharing how your family has worked through a challenging dynamic regarding the work situation and other people’s perception of the “right” way. Throughout your message I can hear the strength of your marriage relationship, the commitment that the two of you have made to put your marriage first and to build a solid foundation for your daughter.

    It really sounds like the two of you have the type of extraordinary marriage that other’s want to emulate. It’s always nice to hear how other couples are making it work!

    Thank you,
    Alisa

  4. Guys. This one hits home for us too. You make choices based on your dreams and priorities. I used to think that I wanted to be rich and powerful, but then the kids came along and after 20 years in the Army, I decided that my wife & family are the most important things. to me. It took me a few more years to figure out where God falls into that priority list. When we decided that Jennifer needed to work to help out and also to keep her sanity, she could have gotten a job with me in the defense industry, but she chose to teach so she could be near the children and be there for them when I couldn’t. We have our issues, but we are also so much happier now than we were before.

  5. Great podcast, great discussion. I remind myself all the time that I only get ONE chance at raising these kids, ONE chance at my marriage, and will have MANY opportunities to make money. That stuff can wait…I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and a beautiful wife who is my best friend and soul-mate and they all need me, just like I need them. When my boss looks at me funny because I’m leaving work at 5:00 pm rather than staying until 6:00 or 7:00 (after having gotten to the office at 8:00 a.m. rather than earlier like him because I help get the kids ready in the morning) I just remind myself that my family needs me more than he does.

    How do you spell love? T.I.M.E. At least that’s how I spell it. As Andy Stanley said in a leadership podcast recently, if you really think you need to be working in the evenings, then first go home and look your family straight in the eye and tell them your job is more important than they are. Because if you’re spending all your time at the office or away from the family, that’s the real message you’re communicating to them.

    Despite what the world tells you, you can’t have it all. Choose the things that last eternally, not temporarily.