We had two “We Did IT!” this week!


And an awesome number of listener emails that we talk through as they deal with family boundaries, make up sex, and your encouraging words.

Secrets can destroy your marriage.

This week Tony & Alisa share how to talk about these secrets and how they have been able to overcome the ones in their marriage.

Are you aware of how secrets are robbing your marriage of the intimacy you desire?

Your marriage can survive your secrets when both of you are willing to listen, learn, and help. It’s time to come clean.

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6 thoughts on “050: SHHH! I’VE GOT A SECRET

  1. Thank you for sharing/responding to my email. I love hearing another perspective on this issue! After 2 nights of trying to initiate things, I told my husband last night that I was disappointed we hadn’t “sealed the deal” yet. His reasons for not being in the mood were valid, so I just let it go and we went to sleep. After listening to your podcast this morning and hearing your perspectives on it, I couldn’t wait to get home from work to talk to my husband and open up a discussion on the topic. So I sent him a text and apologized for pressuring him when I know he has a lot of other stuff on his mind at the moment. I went on to explain what my view is on make-up sex and why it is important for me to have it even though we resolved our fight. Our little text conversation ended w/ me telling him that despite my personal need for make-up sex, I don’t want it to be something we do b/c he feels like he has to appease me. The point of it is to be a reconnection and if we’re not both in the game, it defeats the purpose. I also reminded him that I’m always there to help get him through anything that is stressing him out. (Obviously as his spouse it’s implied that I will help, but sometimes we just need to hear it.) This is a discussion for us to continue tonight when we can do it face-to-face but knowing that it is on the table is a huge relief. And having him reiterate that he isn’t withholding b/c anything between us in unresolved brings me peace on the whole thing. So I didn’t get my make-up sex, but I got a reminder of why I love my husband so much and why we make a great team.

    Thank you once again for being so open and offering suggestions. I really like the idea of fight rules. We have rules about not fighting dirty and no emotional warfare, but we have never clearly defined what we each consider an appropriate end to a fight. Since big fights are so few & far between for us, now is the best time to bring this up and set the rules. You guys rock!!

    • Trish,

      Fight rules are a great way to set the boundaries and define what the expectations are and you’re right now is the time. So glad to hear that the two of you are having the conversations that you need to have regarding this matter. There is always a sense of relief when the air is “being cleared”.

      Sounds like he’s a fantastic guy!


  2. Hey guys, love your podcast. Congratutlations on number 50. like to make a little production out of it. I open up a few tabs, go on your facebook page. In the beginning, when you’re both talking, I have the photo of the both of you, with Alisa sitting on Tony’s lap. When Tony is talking, I go ot the picture with Tony. And usually, there is a point where Alisa is talking. But there is no picture of just Alisa. I go on youtube and open up smell the roses video. But there is a picture of just Tony on facebook. Find a nice picture Alisa an d put that on facebook.

    • Thanks Marty for all of your kind words. We love your production!!! You know you are so right that we don’t have a picture of just Alisa on FB. I’ll ask her to get one over there of her so you can see just her when see is talking.