054: HEAR US ROAR!

Welcome to 2011! It’s the start of a new year and with it comes some big conversations dealing with financial and sexual intimacy.

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Alisa reveals some financial dirty laundry and the ramifications, both good and bad, that come with that news.

Tony wants more vocalization during lovemaking, but Alisa’s not comfortable with that.

We’re digging in deep, getting to the heart of the matter on both of these topics.

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5 thoughts on “054: HEAR US ROAR!

  1. First I have to say that Alisa, I’m in the same boat you’re in w/ the finances. We over-spent on Christmas (even though we scaled back) & we’re definitely feeling the pinch now. The good news is that my hubby couldn’t be too frustrated w/ me b/c it’s usually him who goes overboard on Christmas so he has to cut me some slack this year.

    As for vocalization in the bedroom, I’m pretty noisy. My husband was much more reserved when we first got together, but from time-to-time he rivals me in the noise department. For me, making noise is not something I consciously think about. It just happens in the heat of the moment. There is something very amazing about seeing AND hearing your spouse enjoying themselves. And Tony’s right that it is a huge ego-booster. I also see Alisa’s point that your son is right next door. My daughter is in the room across the hall from ours and even though she has always been a sound sleeper, she did recently inform us that she hears us “making weird noises every night”. That was a particularly embarrassing conversation to have with our 8 year old. I’ve since added “check to see how sound asleep the kiddo is” to our pre-game routine. And if I’m not sure she’s totally conked out, I make sure to keep my pillow handy in case I need to bite it to muffle the “weird noises”. 🙂

    • Trish, thanks for sharing about the finances. I feel really lousy about it and have definitely tightened up the belt for this month!

      It was a good conversation about vocalization and one that has helped opened the communication regarding this particular aspect of our intimacy. I did have to laugh about the “weird noises” although hats off to you that she’s hearing it every night.

      Thanks for being a part of our community!

  2. Grace, grace, grace! (I mean this for Tony towards Alisa…be careful with commentating when your spouse is trying to explain themselves…I have to side with Alisa on this. Love you guys and appreciate you being open in this podcast!)

    We went through the exact same scenario this and last month. Overspent on Christmas by a longshot (both of us) and not having much for the month of January.

    One thing I’d suggest is having a simple 2 minute nightly conversation about your finances. (I actually have a nightly reminder on my phone for this, along with “pray together”.) Ask each other if you’ve used the debit cards and talk about it. Barb and I do this when we find ourselves getting sloppy with the envelope system and using our debit cards and it helps greatly. We don’t use this time to beat each other over the heads. We already do that to ourselves…no need to do it to each other. However, the simple act of checking in with each other and being honest about how you’re spending your money, having safety with each other to admit your mistakes and move on without being beaten up for it, does a lot to curb the spending when you’re not together. What’s done is done and nobody is perfect…give each other grace and move on. It’s going to happen again and my guess is each of you will be on the wrong end of it at some point. Follow that up with a weekly budget meeting where the bookeeper of the home can say “here’s where we’re at…we’re $$$ over budget and here’s a printout from Quicken on where the money went…”

    One other thing I’ve come to realize is that it’s not simply my wife’s fault when I don’t know how she’s spending the money. As the leader of our home, I have a responsibility to check in with her on the important areas of our lives when she’s not initiating, like finances. It’s like at my job – if I lead people, it’s my fault if I don’t know what they’re doing. Yes, I’d like them to initiate those conversations, but I have a responsibility to keep up with them when they don’t.

    Huge kudos for being real and open about those financial tiffs…we all go through it!

    • Ron,

      Alisa here, thank you for the reminder to my husband to have grace 🙂

      We really appreciate the comments and suggestions you made and are talking daily about money being spent.

      Definitely not an easy podcast but one that seems to have hit home with a lot of folks.

      A

      • You know, I apologize if that comment was a little strong. I think I got a little long-winded up there and probably got a little too caught up in the moment listening to the conversation on the podcast. It’s a conversation I’ve had many times with Barb and I could almost hear us in your voices. I typed that comment as I was listening and it just sort of spilled out of me. Anyway, you guys rock for putting yourselves out there. But by the grace of God go all of us!