061: THERE’S A WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Sometimes people don’t want to talk about what’s right under their noses in their marriages.

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So of course that makes it the right topic for us to talk about here.

We talked about pornography before from a personal standpoint, in this episode we branch out a bit and talk about the impact it is having in the lives of our listeners, their spouses and their families.

It’s time to take a stand and recognize that until people are honest and open about this issue it’s going to remain a “little, dark secret”.

Are you ready?

Bernardo Winery

Our Valentine’s Day Victory by Greg at RatedGRomance.com

Courtesy of Chuck Fisher article on Charla Muller where they are 5 years later

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7 thoughts on “061: THERE’S A WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

  1. Do you always spend so much time talking about what you did over the weekend and stuff like that ? I kept waiting for you to get to the point ! I was dissapointed to find this podcast didn’t spend much time on the topic advertised . I was excited to see this as I am looking for material for a women’s support group that I lead . But unfortunately with all the chit chat I can’t use .

    • Thank you for being active in discussing this topic with your women’s group. We wish that more leaders would be willing to to give light to this topic, you are truly making a difference by tackling this.

      We do spend a portion of each podcast talking about what’s been going on in our week. This portion of the podcast has become a way for our listeners to connect to us. It allows our listeners to hear about what is going in our marriage because so much of what we deal with week to week happens in our listeners lives around the world and often leads into what the topic is that week.

      I’m not sure what type of material you are looking for for your women’s group. We have two early podcasts that deal with pornography…Episode 4 where we talk about all of the challenges that we have encountered in our marriage and how ONE can to be as a result of that and Episode 7 where Tony and I discuss his addiction to pornography.

      Thank you so much for listening and for taking the time to share your thoughts.

  2. This message from your podcast can’t be shouted out enough. Well done for your candid treatment of a difficult topic. Maybe some time you could discuss the healing process that your marriage went through after you, Tony, were able to overcome your porn addiction. Rebuilding trust and accountability, after any form of infidelity, is an issue that deserves attention.

    I commend you both,
    Cath

    • Cath,

      Thank you for the podcast topic idea. It’s an excellent suggestion and one that definitely deserves attention as rebuilding trust and accountability is a difficult and long process.

      We appreciate you taking the time to write.

      Alisa

  3. I’ve been meaning to comment on this for a while, but never think about it, and now several weeks have gone by and its still playing on my mind.
    You mention the silence that is often associated with this problem. People don’t talk about having a problem, so no one really is able to share their burden, or support someone else trying to get through it.
    I’m sure that is happening with more people than we realise, but I have encountered quite a few men who will openly talk about their use of porn, but without any sense of shame. Its a case of “well, its just want i do, every man is doing it, if my girlfriend/wife has a problem with it, then its obviously her problem”. I know one woman who is very anti-porn and is very passionate on the subject so it will come up in conversation quite a bit, but the men who participate in these conversations insist that she is the one with the problem. How would you recommend dealing with people with that attitude? its like the complete opposite of a man silently trying to overcome the problem, because they are openly bragging about how its not a problem. I have even heard some of these men brag about how large their porn collection is. which kind of makes me sick. How do you encourage these men to identify that its not healthy normal behaviour so that they then can take a step to stopping this behaviour?

  4. Mary – For the purpose of this podcast we were talking more about the church not bringing it up and those in silence. You are right though, there are those men out there who brag about how porn doesn’t affect them or their marriage. If it does then it is their spouses problem not theirs.

    Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do. They don’t see a problem so there is no need to change in their mind. It’s when something bad happens in their marriage then they might see why porn is not healthy.

    In the past when I encounter guys like this I listen to them and then ask about their sex life. What’s it like? Is your wife satisfied? Are you enjoying it? Do you have sex? This gets them talking about the subject of intimacy and then I am able to tell my story. I can share how my addiction to porn caused us to have a lackluster at best love life.

    Some just listen, nod their head, & move on. Others grab hold of what I’ve said and take it to heart.

    Like an addiction you can’t force someone to change. There comes a time when the shit hits the fan so to say and that is when they have that a ha moment. Hopefully by speaking to them in a loving way they will remember the conversation with me, realize what they have been doing, and then seek help to make a change in their life.

    I hope this helps you when you encounter those who brag about it. Love them. They are children of God and I believe that if Jesus walked up to someone like this He would listen and do the same.