What will your true love give to you this Christmas? With this 12 Days of Christmas Challenge, you can focus on strengthening all aspects of your marriage. 


From emotional intimacy to sexual intimacy and everything in between, Christmas is a great time to be extra intentional.

Your schedules are likely packed this time of year. But with a little effort, you can enjoy a fun and sexy challenge that brings you and your spouse closer together. 

Although you can use this challenge anytime during the year, the holidays provide a unique and magical backdrop for romantic days with your spouse. So get ready to show love to your spouse and strengthen your marriage with this 12 Days of Christmas Challenge! 

Day 1: Write Love Letters to Each Other

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me… a love letter! 

Intentionality is essential for every day of this challenge. But be extra attentive on Day 1 by writing your spouse a heartfelt love letter. 

As the year is wrapping up, express your gratitude to your spouse. Share how much you value and appreciate them. Write about a special memory or an experience you’d like to have together in the future. This is your first chance to tap into your emotional intimacy and grow more connected with each other, even amid the chaos of the holidays. 

While the challenge for Day 1 is to write love letters to each other, you can take things up a notch by incorporating this practice into the full 12 Days of Christmas Challenge. For example, leave little notes for your spouse or send flirty texts to them throughout the day. 

Day 2: Have an At-Home Spa Night 

Feeling overwhelmed and disconnected during the holiday season? 

An at-home spa night is a great way to connect with your spouse and focus on physical intimacy. 

Set the mood in your bedroom and really pamper each other. For example, take turns giving each other a massage or enjoy a relaxing bath together. You can also make your room or bathroom a sanctuary by lighting candles, turning on a sound machine, adding essential oils to a diffuser, and turning on soft light. 

Pay attention to the loving, non-sexual touches you share with each other. From a kiss on the neck to a gentle caress, you can get creative in how you strengthen your physical intimacy. 

Of course, an at-home spa night can set the scene for incredible sexual intimacy. Discuss your expectations with each other beforehand to ensure neither of you is caught off guard. This way, you can both enjoy the time to relax while also knowing how the night will end. 

Day 3: Watch a Movie

During your 12 Days of Christmas Challenge, there are plenty of movies you can watch to bring the two of you closer together. Whether you’re watching a Christmas movie or otherwise, pop some popcorn, snuggle up on the couch, and enjoy some time alone together. 

Even this simple date idea is a great way to boost recreational intimacy. You’ll create new memories together that you can look back on in the years to come. 

Day 4: Prioritize a Screen-Free Conversation  

Deep conversations with your spouse are a must! Make sure you truly take the time to talk to one another in your day-to-day lives. 

On Day 4 of the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge, make time for a distraction-free conversation. This means putting phones in another room, turning off the TV, and silencing any other notifications that could come between you and your spouse. 

Then, dive into the conversation. You might find it easy to come up with thought-provoking questions, such as “What was the best part and hardest part of your day?” Or you might feel more confident with a resource such as TableTopics

With your conversation prompts in mind, talk with your spouse. Don’t rush the conversation. Instead, be present and engaged. As a result, you’ll experience stronger emotional intimacy. 

Day 5: Invest in Your Spiritual Intimacy 

Growing your spiritual intimacy should continue year-round, but ,you might find it difficult to carve out the time during the holidays. 

For Day 5 of this challenge, take 30 minutes to listen to a sermon, read a portion of Scripture, or go through a devotional.

If you don’t have any materials to help you strengthen your spiritual intimacy, go on a date to your nearest bookstore. There, the two of you can look at what resources or devotionals can help you on your spiritual journey as a couple. 

However the two of you approach spiritual intimacy, take the time to engage in something together that will strengthen your relationship. Your marriage will thank you. 

Day 6: Volunteer Together

Spread the holiday cheer by volunteering together this season! 

Along with being a great way to spend time together, volunteering can be an incredibly fulfilling experience. You’ll both be creating new memories and hopefully having a lot of fun together doing so!

Whether you volunteer at your church, local food bank, or any other community organization, this part of the challenge encourages you to get out of the house with your spouse and give back.


Day 7: Do Some Holiday Baking

Another great date for the holiday season is finding a festive recipe to create. These kinds of dates can be the most fun because you are rewarded at the end with a tasty treat. 

Consider baking goodies to share with your family, neighbors, or just for the two of you.

You might even feel inspired to bake items from your childhood. Then, you and your spouse can talk about your childhood holiday memories while recreating your favorite things.

Day 8: Break Out the Board Games 

For Day 8 of the challenge, it’s time to unplug again. 

Set a time on your calendar for 30 minutes or an hour. Then, grab your favorite board game. 

Board games are ideal for reconnecting with your spouse because they help limit digital distractions. Without screens, you can have fun and engage in meaningful conversation together. 

This is your time to choose a few of your favorite board games (or try out some sexy new ones!) and connect with the person in front of you. One of these games might even become a holiday tradition in your marriage! 

Day 9: Share a Romantic Meal 

A romantic meal is a simple way to connect during the busyness of the season. On Day 9, cook a new recipe, order takeout, or visit your favorite restaurant. 

You can get creative about the time, too. If dinners are too hectic, try getting breakfast or lunch together. That way, you can ensure you have time to truly reconnect without interruptions

After strengthening your emotional intimacy, you might choose to continue your date with cuddles on the couch or romantic sex in front of the fireplace. 

Day 10: Go On a Fun Adventure

Recreational intimacy is all about having fun and making new memories together. The holidays are a perfect excuse to shake up your routine and try new things. 

For instance, check out a new restaurant, plan a cozy date, or simply plan for your next adventure. During the holidays, you can enjoy Christmas lights, ice skating, parades, and more. 

Though one or both of you might be hesitant to try new things, keep persevering! You might just discover a fun new activity to add to your holiday traditions. 

Day 11: Exchange Sexy Gifts 

As you near the end of your 12 Days of Christmas Challenge, plan a time to exchange sexy gifts with your spouse. If you have kids, ensure these gifts are hidden and saved just for your spouse’s eyes! 

The best sexy gifts depend on you and your spouse. They might enjoy a new sex toy or another bottle of your favorite lube. Or perhaps you’ll splurge on something special for your bedroom, such as sex furniture, an electric fireplace, or a high-end sound machine

Whatever sexy gift you choose, make sure this gift is special for both of you and will help strengthen your sexual intimacy. 

Day 12: Reflect and Plan

Finally, take time to reflect on the past and plan for the future. 

Start by reflecting on the past year and acknowledging what went well, what goals were met, and what you are most grateful for. 

Then, communicate your expectations or desires for the new year. What habits would you like to continue in your marriage? Are there new things you are looking forward to trying? How will you reach your spiritual or financial goals in the new year? 

Having these conversations about the important things, from faith to finances and everything in between, is the key to starting the year with strong communication and teamwork. 

What Are You Waiting For? 

Now’s your chance to take on the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge this year!

Talk with your spouse about when you’ll begin, and then stick with it! If your spouse isn’t on board, plan to show them love this season without expecting anything in return. 

It’s more than possible to strengthen your 6 Pillars of Intimacy® during the chaos of the holidays. So be intentional and take action with the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge. 

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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