140: SCHEDULING SEX

Sometimes it seems like life is just too busy. You are running around here, there, and everywhere.

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The thing is that you sense a distance from your spouse and you need to connect.

You need to connect emotionally, spiritually, and sexually.

It’s time to get radical in your marriage and make a change!

This week we share all about the Intimacy Lifestyle.

That’s right, scheduling sex so you can connect in all areas of your marriage.

The Intimacy Lifestyle has changed the way that we view sex in our marriage, it has caused more equality in terms of initiating sex, and it has helped us to create fireworks that we never used to have.

It’s time for you to commit to your spouse and implement the Intimacy Lifestyle in your marriage.

He Zigs, She Zage: Getting Your Communication on the Same Path Audio Program

Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You: What Your Libido Reveals About Your Life by Diana Hoppe M.D.

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9 thoughts on “140: SCHEDULING SEX

  1. Just listened to the latest podcast, and I am alarmed. Global average is 103 – does that mean the wife and I now have to stop until January and wait for the world to catch up?
    hee hee hee.

  2. Can you share where you got those stats from? Or were they in the book? They do show that there is something wrong with marriage in America.

  3. I’ve nudged, and hinted, and discussed my spouse doing more initiating so many times. The last thing he would appreciate is the suggestion that once a week be entirely his responsibility to initiate. I have a feeling that if he did agree, it would not change how he initiates or where we have it or spice it up any.

    • Hey J,

      This is absolutely understandable because that was me for so long. I didn’t initiate and at times I still fail miserably. But having the Intimacy Lifestyle has made me realize the importance of initiating and trying new things. We’ve been doing it for 3 years now and the mental shift and physical shift has been profound.

      Here’s the thing though. Your husband has to overcome what is holding him back. Not sure if you know what this is or if he does. There is a root issue that is stopping him from initiating.

      It could be that he tried years ago and was rejected. That may have been enough for him to not want to risk trying any more. The two of you need to sit down and remove the layers of what it is that is holding him back.

      You can do this just between the two of you or bring in a counselor to help facilitate this for you. There is a cost either way and are you both willing to move forward to unearth what the root issue is.

      Love you guys.

      • Alisa, (and other women of God), help a guy out! Was there a moment where your desire to love your husband sexually, to initiate and put in effort, first started? Is there anything a husband can do while patiently and respectfully waiting for the “light to come on” for her?

        My wife is kind and sweet but just totally doesn’t understand how sex can be how I best communicate and receive love. At best she begrudgingly tolerates me, at worst she disrespects me by acting like I am a pig for wanting her.

        Though I admit that early in marriage it wasn’t so, thank to the Lord dealing with me today I am proud to say I am very careful to be kind and patient, not wanting to force or push anything; I don’t want to trample her feelings. I work hard to woo her, to journal about her likes and dislikes, to flirt, forwarn, initiate and foreplay. I try to take responsibility for everything in my power to make it easy on her. I even work hard as a youth pastor and with refugees to have another outlet for my passion, so as not to overwhelm her with need or expectations. I work hard around the house and rarely mention how I feel about our sex life so that she can continue to rely on me as her manly man.

        I do sometimes try to gently tell her how I feel and put my needs out there, but I just feel like she never gets it. I have offered podcasts, bible studies and articles, but of course I can’t force it in her. Deep down I know she loves me, but she doesn’t seem to care at all to understand me, sex, or our marriage. She takes advantage of my patience and keeps me at 4th or 5th priority until I can’t handle it, then she gives me some small tokens of pity affection.

        For you women who understand the importance of sex, was there a moment it clicked, or did you always more or less respect it? If it was a change in you, how? When did the light turn on? What did you need? Anything a husband can do to help? Or to patiently support her better until she discovers God’s plan?

  4. hi. need to understand why my wife is not interested in sex. our sex life from my perspective is becoming boring. initially we had problems having sex and my wife would just mot want to talk about it. imagine the frustration when she could not even tell me whether or not she had an orgasm. I leant a few ways to tell and after many fights and threats we are having some sex. the problem now is she has never initiate sex. she doesn’t know how to or simply doesn’t want to respond when I do initiate. she can lay there 5 mins while m trying to arouse her. even when she does get aroused she just waits for me to do all the work the style etc. she of course will touch me at the back and chest once started but nothing spontanous or interesting. this has made sex become monotonous and boring. makes me feel unwanted and unattractive sexually. nowadays I no longer argue when she makes excuses but she feels guilty and often wakes me up in the middle of the night for sex. but it’s the same routine. we hardly have sex away from the dreaded bed. please help