You may have come to a point in your marriage where sexual intimacy isn’t happening any longer.


The thought of you and your spouse having sex brings up anxiety in you.

This in turn is stopping the both of you from moving forward and having the sexual intimacy you desire.

This week we answer in detail how you can get the sexual intimacy back in your marriage.

It’s simple and something the two of you have done many times before. The thing is that you may not be giving this as much attention as you should.

Start from the beginning of when you first were physically intimate with each other and start kissing with passion.

Text the Romance Back (aff link)

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5 thoughts on “141: FLIRTING YOUR WAY BACK

  1. I’ve listened to every episode over the last two years, and recommended you to many. My wife and I lead marriage groups at church, and have a very healthy sex positive attitude that we try to encourage other couples to embrace. There is very little that two married adults could enjoy together that would ever raise an eyebrow with me. We like dress up, lingerie, role play, fantasy, lots of positions, toys, like to talk a bit “dirty” sometimes, mutual masturbation, etc etc etc. Not much that we don’t enjoy. 

    However, when you mentioned your choice of Halloween costume, I was quite taken back. Not that you chose a “sexy” costume to go out in, but that to you chose something that I’m troubled to hear Tony thought was “sexy”. The Catholic school girl fantasy involves finding GIRLS sexy. I’ve seen the result of pedophelia in my occupation and there is nothing sexy about it, and nothing okay about celebrating finding underage girls sexy. 
    I would have almost rather heard that your Halloween fantasy involved going to the party with two sexy women, and you as a gigolo. At least that involves a fantasy of consenting adults. Tony, I’m calling you out on this one. You portrayed the fantasy of finding young girls in their school uniform sexy. You even laid out how you wanted to act out that fantasy by having sex with Alisa in that outfit. I think you need to consider that fantasy closely, and consider addressing it to your audience. 

    • Hey Anonymous,

      First and foremost thank you for being a loyal listener and sharing the podcast with others. This means a lot to us knowing that this is coming from someone who has invested in knowing who we are and what our vision is for helping marriage.

      Second, having gone back over the podcast, I would agree what I said was inappropriate. Insert foot into mouth for sure moment. I take complete accountability for my words. I would agree with you that both what I said and what you suggested are both inappropriate for marriages to experience deep intimacy.

      I thank you for calling me out on this.

      As for ever having any fantasies of underaged girls, other than my wife, I have never had. Not even when I was deep into my porn addiction did I ever look at young girls. It has never been something that I find anywhere near attractive. Having a young daughter myself now I can understand where you are coming from.

      In saying what I did it, this may give others permission for looking at young girls and thinking it is OK. For that I deeply regret my words.

      Please forgive me for this wrong. I will make sure in the future to think a bit more before saying something that could possible lead others down the wrong path.

      Love you brother,


  2. I really don’t mean to sound critical because you offer such an amazingly important service to us all but you too tout yourselves as Christians yet you admittedly:

    1. Drink Pr 23:31, Eph 5:18
    2. Celebrate Halloween (Satanic holiday, just read the history of this un-holy day)
    3. Use a un-biblical rule for skirt length. Is 47:1-3 (God considers you naked if you thigh is exposed)

    We all sin, but there needs to be a repentance for these things. They shouldn’t be put out there as OK things to do for a Christian.

    Again, please forgive me for being so blunt, but I think you both need to consider this.

  3. I know you guys get negative feedback as well as positive, but I just wanted to say, I think this is an AMAZING episode! And I LOVE the costume story. I love the WHOLE episode! I love how open you guys are to your thoughts and feelings. I know that takes a lot and puts you in a position to get criticism. But I have to say… Thank you! Love you guys!

    • I’d also like to push back against the original commenter. I’m 41 with two young children, have been a Believer since my teens, have a pastor for a brother, and I consider myself to be mature in the faith, rooted in God’s Word.

      I did not hear anything remotely inappropriate. I heard a man committed to cultivating a vibrant and exciting romantic relationship *with his wife*. Tapping into erotic energy we experienced when we were young adults, but were not free to act on at the time, is an extremely healthy means of feeding and nurturing our marriages, by my estimation.

      We should not forget that, by God’s design, we are mature adults once we pass through puberty. Healthy young adults have sexual desire, and the energy of that desire can stay with us for decades. If we can tap into the memory of this desire when we are struggling to maintain erotic desire in our marriages as older adults—for goodness sake, do it!! Feed your marriage! Keep it alive.

      We should be careful not to allow our religious tradition to paint our understanding of Scripture. God made us naked. Jesus’ first miracle was to make wine for a party. If any have issue with that, they should take it up with Him, and do so with fear and trembling, recognizing they may not understand how these things reconcile with the religion that was passed down to them.

      There is a subtle trap within human religious tradition that takes boldness to refute. The Truth sets us free. Claim it!