What was marriage like before we did our 60 Days of Sex Challenge?


This was a question we were asked from a listener who is going through a tough time right now.

When you are in the depths of those valleys it is sometimes hard to see what’s ahead.

Your ability to look down the path and see what’s ahead is squelched.

We know where you are! We’ve been there before.

This week we go back 5+ years to share with you where we were before we started that fateful challenged that changed us and our marriage forever.

It wasn’t a great time for our marriage and yet when we pivoted and started the 60 Days of Sex Challenge everything changed for us.

What pivot point in your marriage has brought you out of the valley to the mountain top?

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4 thoughts on “147: THEN AND NOW

  1. Listening to this podcast you both stressed the importance of communication in marriage. Well my wife doesnt really like “communicating” about anything. In fact, she writes me short letters so we dont have to talk (physically talk) about anything, and its frustrating! And I can get her to talk about sex, but she dances around the conversation and never gives straight answers. I have approached her and tried to tell her that I dont think our sex life is horrible (it isnt great, though), but that I think we can make it better, but its like ramming my head into a brick wall! Can you recommend something that will, maybe, help me present the subject to her in a loving way that she would listen to? I know everyone is different, but is this something you two had to deal with? And how did you work through it? Thanks for any advice!

    • Communication is important for sure in a marriage. I will say that you are very fortunate in that your wife will write letters and not completely shut down. Alisa would shut down and there would be nothing.

      You have a great opportunity right now to be a servant lover to your wife when it comes to communicating. Instead of trying to change her way of communicating maybe you can interact with her in a more intimate level the way she communicates, via letter writing.

      If you haven’t signed up for our FREE Newsletter, https://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/newsletter, you need to. When you sign up we give you 77 Questions to Get the Conversation Started. These are questions from all 6 forms of intimacy that the two of you can talk about.

      Here’s the thing if I were you I would get a sheet of paper or a 4×6 postcard and write 1 question on it. Then give it to your wife for her to answer back. After this try to sit down with one or two question and physically talk. She will have her answer in front of her to use if needed.

      If the two of you answer each question, you as a husband are going to have 77 answers to very intimate questions. That my friend is very cool.

      Through this process the both of you will learn more about each other and this should lead to your wife being able to open up and share verbally with you. This isn’t a get quick transformation. It may take 3-6 months to see change.

      Also, I would suggest picking up our He Zigs, She Zags: Get Your Communication on the Same Path audio program, https://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/package-deals, to help both of you hear how Alisa and I made changes to our communication styles to be able to get to where we are today.

  2. Tony, where did you come up with the 60 Day Sex Challenge to begin with? Was it something you read or was it something you came up with on your own? Just curious where you came up with 60 vs 30 or 45 Days.

    • We were leading a small group for 8 weeks on the book Intimacy Ignited. Since it was 8 weeks or roughly 60 days that is how I came up with it. There was nothing more than I was looking for a way, any way to get the connection with Alisa back. I’m so thankful that after saying “no” that she decided to take on the challenge. 😉