Before you ever got married you and your spouse have long thought about sex.

19 Questions to Amazing Sex with Your Spouse

You may have even talked about having sex together or had sex before you got married.

We know where you are because we talked about sex and had sex before we got married.

The sex was driven by emotion and because of this we didn’t talk about what we liked or disliked.

The decision to have sex before marriage and to then not talk about it lead to many subpar years of sex. Along the way we ended up with some pretty bad habits too.

You now have the opportunity to do what took us 11 years of marriage to do, we talked about our sex lives!

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We actually took time together, faced our fears, and asked each other questions about what we would like or wouldn’t like when it came to making love.

You may be a bit squeamish right now. Good!

It means you need to have a talk with your spouse.

You may not enjoy talking about sex the first time you sit together.

It’s understandable and yet if you desire to have more passion and romance with your spouse the both of you need to know what your likes and dislikes are.

Take an evening to go through all of these questions.

Most importantly both of you need to honestly answer each one.

Here’s where you can get a PDF copy of these questions so you can write down your spouse’s answers.

Keep this sheet and refer back to it often. Those acts your spouse wishes to do or not do are now out in the open.

Honor your spouse if he or she does not wish to try something.

Nobody wishes to be forced to do something they do not desire.

Remember, you are a servant lover and by putting your spouses needs in front of yours the two of you will grow closer sexually.

19 Questions to Amazing Sex with Your Spouse

  1. How can we romance each other during the day in anticipation of sex?
  2. What ways do you show me that you are initiating sex? Give me details.
  3. Would you be interested in using sex toys? Which ones?
    — Vibrator

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    — Games
    — Jewelry
    — Ramps
    — Cushions
    — Dildo
    — Penis Ring

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    — Others

  4. Which love making position(s) would you like to try the next time we have sex?
    -Wife or Husband on top
    -Bent over
  5. Share with me the touch(es) that make you orgasm.
  6. What would you enjoy doing during foreplay?
  7. How much time would you like to spend during foreplay?
  8. Is anal sex something you would be willing to try?
  9. How did you learn about the birds and the bees?
    — Parents
    — Friends
    — School
    — Magazines
  10. What kind of fantasizing in the bedroom is OK with you?
  11. Where are two places you would like to make love outside of our bedroom?
  12. Are you the high desire or low desire spouse?
  13. How many times a week would you like to have sex?
  14. What is it about oral sex that brings you pleasure?
  15. What scent(s) would you like to have in our bedroom when making love?
  16. How can we verbally express satisfaction during sexual intercourse?
  17. Is connecting emotionally before we have sex important to you? If so, how would you like to connect?
  18. How would you like to be held before, during, and after sex?
  19. What would you like to see me wear (or not wear)?

This list of questions is for you and your spouse to talk about together.

DO NOT read over these and not take action.

It is our hope that you’ll learn something about your spouse that will allow for the both of you to have amazing sex.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage and your sexual intimacy, check out Position of the Month Club today!

Please note: We reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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  1. Utterly terrified to ask these questions, but I want to so desperately! Married for a complacent, lonely 24 (almost 25 years). Just can’t spend another 25 this way. I’m going to give it a try! Nothing to lose at this point.
    A wife who is ready to step it up…before its too late!

    • Hey L,

      AWESOME!!!! We have your back and are excited to hear that you are going to step it up and ask these questions. Don’t get discouraged if he doesn’t full engage you when you start. Ask and answer one question a day so that both of you have time to fully absorb the comment.

      Also, if there is an area where both of you are saying we want to do this, then do it! Don’t say we’ll do it later. Instead do it now and learn from it. Talk about what you liked and didn’t.

      This is what Tony and I have been doing for years. It has helped us to make adjustments right then and there without feeling attacked.

      If you need us for anything don’t hesitate to reply back.

      Love you guys.


  2. in the sex positions question… you mention “wife on top” as one option and “husband on bottom” as another option. what are the main differences between the two

  3. Great list! Went over these with my husband last night. We’ve been married for 5 years and have 2 kids, but somehow had never really discussed most of these questions. We had a lot of fun getting to know more about each other, and then immediately got down to the business of putting what we’d learned to good use! 😉

  4. So, the basic premise here is that some type of sex IS occurring! What about when one is pushed away, told no, and in general has had nothing but an occasional kiss (I have to initiate), and holding hands for the past 2-3 years. I understand and have been very patient because I understand the multiple health problems, surgery, chronic pain, and Fibromyalgia. But there has been a complete lack of any communication in the area of sex – when I try to broach the question, or even if I send a link to an article that could help, I am met with stony silence. She has apologized once or twice, saying that she just can’t participate in sex, because . . . but there is no move to try, or even to do something for me, and as said already, she won’t even let me touch her (any attempt at foreplay is rebuffed, and I am told to just stop it!).
    What do I do, where do I turn?

    • Hey J. Lee,

      There is much more going on in your marriage then we can address here. It seems there may be deep hurts or pains that are causing your wife to rebuff you in the bedroom and when it comes to sex.

      You bring up the lack of communication in this area and that is the area that needs to be address first. The communication part and how to talk to each other. The emotional intimacy is vital as this connection can then lead to your sexual intimacy.

      We have worked with many couples who struggle with this area in their marriage. We’d suggest that the both of jump on a free consultation call, https://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/30minutes, as there needs to be a shift in what is currently going on in this area of your marriage.

      Sign up for the call and we’ll go from there.

      Love you guys,

      Tony & Alisa

  5. cant believe you put #8 on the list. Anal sex is risky for the woman if your not careful, and in general distasteful. While it all boils down to personal taste, I think there are already too many men that want this against their wives wishes.

    • Hey Re’

      This is why we put it on the list. We state from the beginning “Honor your spouse if he or she does not wish to try something. Nobody wishes to be forced to do something they do not desire.”

      So by asking this question and getting a straight answer the couple (which this is up to them to decide) knows if this is off the table. If it is never talked about then who knows.

  6. Hi.

    I’m just reading this. Interesting thing is just last week I raised this topic with my virgin fiancée of 25 – and she didn’t allow us have an inch into the discussion I felt is necessary. I’m 29 and we’ve been in the relationship since 2012 and will be marrying in two months’ time – early June, that is. We’ve somehow been able to abstain from sex and are keeping it till marriage. But I thought this discussion and questions are necessary for us at this point, but she felt so against it that she shuts me down again and again each time I try to explain the importance – so much my marriage-after seems to scare me. Her repetitious words were, “When we are married, things will take care of themselves”. And I can wonder with accompanying anxiety what young couples admit that and have a blast a sex life in early marriage

    I don’t know where to start again with her on this cos I’d previously decided I’m not going to talk anything on our sexuality in marriage again and I equally let her know I’m not going to follow anyone to a counselor’s desk afterwards. Funny enough, we didn’t have a counselling session before wedding. She never likes it and since I don’t also likes the sort of overwhelmingly spiritualized counsellings we have here where I base in Nigeria, I decided to just buy the marriage sexuality counselling book The Act of Marriage by Tim & Berveley LaHaye for us. I had read through it and have given it to her since last 3 weeks. Up till last week she came to me, my fiancée is still yet to read this important issue she forbids discussions about.

    To say I know what to do about this is a lie; and to say I am not fed up already about her usual lackadaisical attitude is blantant lie. Is there someone else I can do that I have not done please?

  7. My husband and I have been together for 2 years, married 1. We had a honeymoon baby and he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. So having the sex talk is both new and weird to me. But this list helped me figure out a way to talk to him about it and ease healthy, comfortable conversation into our marriage. Now there’s no guessing in what each of us like in the bedroom

  8. I don’t think you guys have ever talked about number 8 on this list. I know it’s a touchy subject but I bet it’d be an interesting show.