The Intimacy Lifestyle at it’s core is about being able to set specific days that you initiate sex and the days your spouse will initiate sex each week.


It’s also a fantastic way for the both of you to not put off sex to another time, but to make it a priority in your marriage.

By having days where both of you initiate sex it ultimately brings you closer together.

There will be times though when both of you or one of you is not tracking.

We can totally relate because we have been there.

In this week’s show Tony & Alisa talk about what happens when there is a lack of clarity on which days you are to initiate sex. You don’t dump all that you have accomplished, instead you communicate what can be done better moving forward.

Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy In Your Marriage

He Zigs, She Zags: Get Your Communication on the Same Path

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  1. I have Mon-Wed
    He has Thursday-Sat. Sunday is Optional Day.
    The days we chose were based on our three weaker days of the week- energy, mood etc. MY days to initiate are the three days of the week that I am more tired, less happy- and visa versa. Forinstance out of three days when i am tired, the majority of the time Im not in “the mood” but it leaves me feeling unpressured for initmacy bc I get to choose the best time for us on my low energy days when i can be intimate and fully engaged.
    Since I am high desire spouse, it works well for me bc on his days to initiate, I am less likely to get rejected- because only he can initiate. And just like the above example he gets to choose on his more tired time of the week, when is good for him, and that way I am not initiating him at a time when he is super tired and then I get rejected. He will initiate when its right for him and Im very UNlikely to want to reject it, bc I have more energy and any time is good for me on those days of the week.
    I found it interesting bc you guys do it a bit differently which is awesome- but it is flip flopped. You guys choose your days to initiate based on when you are at your best. That may be something we need to try out. But for now its working so why rock the boat haha. Sunday we found to be the best optional day bc we are both typically relaxed and nothing is going on after in the afternoon and evening.

  2. My husband and I have been married 15 years. Over that time, I (the wife) have been the spouse who has the higher sex drive. My husband is six years older than me, and we are in our 40s. He’s in great shape, so health is not the issue. He is a very internal/cerebral person who works a highly stressful job that keeps in a constant state of exhaustion. I love that he’s so brilliant, but I also dislike it because he pours himself into his work, and helping others, but brings home his leftover self.

    As you can imagine, I am at a point of severe frustration, have begun to self-soothe through masturbation, and have stopped trying to initiate sex, touch, and quite honestly, talk about much other than chores, what we need to do for our three children, bills, and so forth.

    My husband was very attentive when we were dating, but once we got married, that went out the window. He has said that he never realized how much he would have to say how much he loves me, compliment me, be affectionate once we got married. When I do go to him to hug him, his responses are not the type of responses I’m looking for–tight hugs, rubbing my back. Instead, he will hug me, but it feels like the hug you’d give a fellow church member. The only time he lets go is when we do finally have sex.

    I am at a point where I can feel that I’m shutting down. I found your podcast yesterday and have listened to about 10 episodes. What you’re sharing is very helpful. I just wish someone would really discuss wives who are in situations like me. You know, the wife who isn’t turning her husband away, who wants sex multiple times a week but is rejected by her husband. We are out here, and we are not a sidebar. It would be wonderful for our perspective to be heard, too.

    Thanks for all you do, your podcast, your resources, and the information you’re sharing. It is helping me, and I do appreciate it!