249: SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

We had sex before marriage. Probably like you or someone you know.

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It’s really between a couple and yet there seems to be someone always pointing a finger at you for doing so.

You cannot change what you did prior to getting married and yet you can learn from the past to better your current situation.

Having sex before marriage can impact you and your spouse or maybe it hasn’t. Either way there are lessons learned.

In this week’s show Tony & Alisa talk about why sex before marriage can leave you both emotionally and sexually unsatisfied.

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Join us on February 20-22, 2015 for the Refresh Retreat at the Courtyard by Marriott in Liberty Station for a marriage retreat that will enrich and strengthen your marriage and relationship with God.

Connect Like You Did When You First Met: 101 Proven Questions for Couples

Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Your Marriage

Intimacy Reignited: Bring Back the Spark in Your Sex Life

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One thought on “249: SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

  1. I wanted to share our story.
    Hopefully others can find support and encouragement from it- especially those who are believers.
    My husband and I met at our church. I had been saved for a bout a year, and i was 18. We were both incredibly on fire for God. Serving like never before in our lives. Always at church always involved in worship and music, the youth group, the young adult group etc. Prior to being saved he had a history of being with many many women. From one night stands to random relationships. Pornography was also an addiction. Then he came back to the Lord just as I had started going to church. I on the other hand, was a virgin and had never had a boyfriend. We began dating- and both had thought that waiting until we were married was ofcourse the plan. But we were both weak and werent cautious enough on spending alone time together. We also werent in a rush to marry bc i was 18 and he was 26. Well before we knew it we were falling into a sexual relationship. It carried on for about 6 months on and off and we trying to get help from church bc we didnt know what to do- didnt want to marry yet but felt ashamed of what we were doing- but didnt want to break up. Noone was really there for us to help us out bc the topic was taboo. Also we knew if the leadership found out- it would look terribly bad bc he was so much older and we were in ministry together. We made a lot of mistakes at that time our life. But we were in love. Doing our best to keep US a secret- until I got pregnant. Couldnt hide that anymore. We went to a trusted Pastor outside our church who had been our youth pastor, until he had left to do missions. He guided us and we had to make some decisions. So we decided after very careful consideration to get married. We went to our Pastor and confessed all. He was angry and refused to marry us. Told us we didnt deserve to have eachother- that there are consequences for our sin and that being married isnt an option. We asked if another pastor could marry us- and he said “No, this church will not support you in marriage, and if you have anyone else marry you, please do not come back to the chuch. You will not be welcome here.” This was heart wrenching to us. My husband had been in this Pentocostal church since he was 7 years old. He left as a young teen, but came back to God and to church. I had trusted this pastor as well, and both of us were so hurt. We understood what we had done was “abominable” but it was our future. We were unable to have our old youth pastor marry us as we was on missions trips, so we had to have a random Lutheran pastor marry us- we eloped on November 11, 2000 at a ski resort on a beautiful snowy day in Utah. We knew we would need to work through issues- and we didnt blame God and soon found a new church. We had our son in May 2001. Through the years we have had to forgive our old pastor even though we did have to leave; and work through the feelings of sex being shameful and abominable. Among other issues. We know that the consequences were going to be a part of our life and we would work through them and we have. We relate so much to the heart break of Christians and non Christians alike who are or have struggled with the judgement of this issue. No one talking about it, nobody willing to approach the topics so crucial to a loving growing marriage. Thank you for being that vessel, in reaching people through love, understand and not judging. Sure I want our children to marry as virgins and will teach them why it is a good thing. But if they choose otherwise – I will not treat them like they are criminals or send a message that they dont deserve to love and be loved, or to be married to the person they have engaged with.