When you have said to yourself and/or to your spouse, “It’s been too long since we’ve had sex”, then it’s time to sit down to figure out what is going on.


The topic of sexless marriages is one a lot of people shy away from. Most of the time because if it is not talked about then the problem doesn’t exist.

Unfortunately, roughly 15% of marriage have not had sex with their spouse in the last six to twelve months, according to Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University.

Sexless marriages by definition are marriages in which a couple has sex less than 10-12 times per year.

Why is this happening:

  • too much rejection
  • broken trust
  • lack of communication
  • medication

What we cover in this show is NOT those seasons of marriage where you are unable to have sex due to medical conditions OR physical limitations, but areas that you can address in a physically healthy marriage.

In this week’s show Tony and Alisa dive into why there has been an increase in sexless marriages and the impact it has on you.

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3 thoughts on “292: IT’S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE WE’VE HAD SEX

  1. I have been listening for quite a while, and occasionally get some good nuggets of info. But, I have to be honest, lately, I’ve been having a hard time listening. I listen to gain insight into my relationship. More often than not, I end up feeling lectured to. These lectures come disproportionately from Alisa. I’m not going to stop listening, but I do believe the podcast would be better if information was presented in a more positive way. The goal of this podcast is purportedly to improve marriages, but it quite often feels like it just provides Alisa with the platform to air her moral judgments. Take these comments for what they’re worth, but I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this before.

    Thank you for all that you do.

    • Hey Ryan,

      Feedback is always welcome. What would help if you could give an example of what you are describing. Share the time spot in the show is the best way. We will say that yes sometimes we will hone in on a particular area and yet it is never our intention to be judgmental. We say that we are not here to judge anyone often. And that is the truth.

      What we are trying to do is to get couples and individuals to take action for themselves and their marriage. Fortunately, when we press folks to make change this may come off like you describe, but is not our intention.

      Love you guys,

      Tony & Alisa

  2. Hey guys, I just wanted to say that that podcast was fantastic! One of the best yet for me. I’m still catching up somewhere in the 130’s but skipped forward to this podcast today. I felt like you were talking about my marriage, although I will say that I had never thought of our marriage as sexless…however by definition you described we were! You were spot with the 4 reasons for this on all 4 counts…absolutely spot on and I thank you for mentioning birth control. I can attest to this as I came off of hormonal birth control over 6 months ago and the fog is beginning to ‘lift’. We use the Fertility Awareness Method and condoms for birth control. It is truly fantastic that as my body repairs itself and is returning to normal cycles of ‘natural’ hormone production that I can finally experience what that is doing to my body, especially at certain times of the month ;). My husband HAS noticed. We started the intimacy lifestyle about 4 months ago but I feel we have a long way to go, especially with the other 3 areas you mentioned in this podcast. This is the podcast I hope he listens to (I’ve emailed it to him) and finally comes on board and listens to you regularly as I do. You have been able to articulate what I cannot and that is that for all those years on birth control my reasons for not wanting sex were in large part due to hormonal birth control and not because I didn’t love or desire him – it wasn’t until I was off it did I actually realise what it had been doing to me!

    Congratulations on 19 years together, thanks for keeping it real.