How did you first learn about marriage? It likely began by observing marriages when you were growing up, whether in real life or fictional. From those experiences, you formed ideas about what it means to be married. But did you fall for some of the common marriage myths?


Many couples say “I do” with unrealistic expectations of what it means to be married. As a result, they experience frustration or disappointment when things don’t turn out the way they hoped.

For some, the realities of marriage settle in earlier than for others. It can be jarring, especially if you envisioned your marriage in a certain way. It doesn’t help that social media allows plenty of couples to show the highlights of marriage while keeping challenges hidden.

With so many marriage myths out there, it’s time to debunk the lies that are holding you back from deeper intimacy with your spouse. And instead, you can adopt a new perspective to help you experience a real, extraordinary marriage.

3 Myths About Marriage You Might Believe

Your marriage can be extraordinary. But if you believe the myths about marriage, you might miss out on some of the beauty of this most special relationship.

There are countless marriage myths that plague couples, but these three myths below can be most destructive to your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.

Myth 1: Sexual Intimacy Will Always Be Spontaneous

One large myth about marriage is that sexual intimacy will always (and should always) be spontaneous.

As the years go on and life gets busy, it becomes more challenging to find times for spontaneous sex. As a result, you might feel like something is wrong with you or your spouse. You will begin to grow disconnected as the Sexual Intimacy Pillar develops cracks.

In the movies, sexual intimacy often looks spontaneous and passionate. But in real life, there’s a different approach that can be far more helpful. It’s called The Intimacy Lifestyle.

At its core, The Intimacy Lifestyle is a way of defining what sexual intimacy will look like in your marriage—in other words, scheduling sex.

The truth is that scheduled sex can be just as intimate as “spontaneous” sex. Better yet, it helps ensure you remain close and connected in all areas of your marriage, including emotionally, spiritually, physically, and more.

When you create your own Intimacy Lifestyle, you can find more balance in initiating sex and create fireworks that you’ve never experienced before. You can use the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner to get started.

Deep sexual intimacy also requires open conversations about your desires in the bedroom. For some, that can be difficult. You might have grown up thinking that sex was something taboo that shouldn’t be discussed. Or maybe you struggle to have conversations with your spouse, who is more conservative.

By using a tool such as the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner, you can address all areas of sexual intimacy—romance, initiation, foreplay, and intercourse—and grow closer together through these vulnerable conversations.

That’s much better than just waiting for sex to happen spontaneously!

Myth 2: Communication Equals Understanding

Another marriage myth too many couples believe is that communication equals understanding.

You might think that if you’ve said something, your spouse heard it… and understood it. But this isn’t always the case. Unless you have a shared vocabulary as husband and wife, you can struggle to fully understand each other. You might feel tension or wish you could find the right words to convey your wants and needs.

So, how do you create a communication framework?

First, understand that communication is a skill. That means you can learn and improve—you’re not stuck where you are! However, it will take time and effort as you learn to communicate better as a couple.

Second, you may need to use a resource such as The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Black Box.

The Black Box provides the tools and words you need to communicate about emotions, touch, finances, faith, dates, sex, and more. No more trying to grasp at straws about what is going on between the two of you. You can identify the pillar you are struggling with and then talk through your challenges to find solutions.

Remember that deep intimacy in all areas of your marriage requires open and honest communication. You’ll need to speak and listen. With this in mind, you can approach communication with a better understanding that you and your spouse are different people, and learning to communicate together is a skill you can develop.

Myth 3: Marriage Should Be Effortless

Extraordinary marriages exist, but they’re rarely effortless. Healthy and strong marriages require continuous effort, communication, and flexibility.

Undoubtedly, you will face challenges as a couple. Extraordinary couples know that these trials will bring them closer together as long as they work together as a team. In fact, many of the strongest couples have gone through incredibly tough situations. But they came out the other end, holding each other’s hand.

There is certainly a level of comfort and peace you might experience when you have been married for a while. Your routines as a couple can bring ease to your life. Things might feel simple. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t putting forth effort.

Ultimately, even the smallest things can be an intentional act of love. For example, picking up flowers or a treat for your spouse on the way home from work. Or making dinner reservations for a night out. Even transparent conversations about topics such as finances or spirituality require effort. And those cumulative moments of effort can result in an extraordinary marriage.

Need Help Dispelling More Marriage Myths?

Marriage can feel frustrating when you’re working through myths or false beliefs. By debunking these marriage myths and others that hold you back, you can experience deeper intimacy with your spouse in all areas of your marriage.

Marriage coaching can help. With the insight of a marriage coach, you’ll not only learn how to navigate challenges more effectively, but you’ll also create a stronger foundation for a lasting, extraordinary marriage.

Apply for marriage coaching today to get personal help dispelling myths and improving your marriage.

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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