Do you have jealousy in your marriage?
It’s so subtle a thing, most couples won’t even admit that it’s going on between them.
Try some of these scenarios on for size and see if you can find yourself in them. Do you…
- Pull up a table, a chair, and a lamp and interrogate your spouse as to where they’ve been, who they’ve been doing it with, and why?
- Find yourself sneaking looks into your spouse’s phone, computer and other communications with the “outside” world?
- Become like a cornered rattlesnake when your husband or wife looks at a member of the opposite sex?
- Memorize exactly how your wife’s purse or your husband’s briefcase is put together so you can put it back exactly they left it BEFORE you went all private investigator on it?
- Experience feelings of extreme anxiety when they are not around you?
If you have ever been on the giving or receiving end of any of these activities. You probably have the “green eyed monster”, JEALOUSY, making itself at home in your marriage.
It prevents you from dealing with your own issues.
Jealousy is Ultimately a Huge Cover Up Operation.
At its heart, it can’t exist if you are secure, safe and have everything that already need.
If you learn to listen underneath what you are jealous of, you will almost always see that you feel insecure, unsafe, or feel like you lack something you see someone else has.
This can come in the form of low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, or it might even be your way of covering up some of your past disappointments.
As we all know, appropriate diagnosis is the first step towards healing.
Constantly blaming someone else for your feelings is a recipe for staying stuck because you can never pin down what you’re suffering from.
That means you can never come up with a plan of treatment to deal with that area.
Get below the feelings of jealousy by humbly admitting you have them and that you need help from your spouse and others in getting beyond what’s underneath them.
Which brings us to number 2.
It Robs Energy From You Both That You Need for Building Your Marriage Up.
If you let your feelings of jealousy run the show for too long without seeing what’s causing them, it can build a serious wall between you and your spouse!
The amount of energy you are putting into keeping things “feeling” safe by controlling your spouse and their behavior will actually rob you from the ability to protect your marriage how you are wanting to.
By filling it with Love and Trust!
Think of it like this.
Jealousy makes your believe that you are going to have protection for your home, right?
You can control the health and unhealthy aspects around your relationship by “helping” keep tabs on your spouse?
Here’s typically what happens.
The one who is jealous builds evidence for their case and eventually confronts the potential offender.
However, the accused was never intending to do anything unfaithful and only ends up defending themselves.
The jealous spouse then feels justified because if nothing bad was happening, then “Why are you defending yourself?!”.
The accused then tends to come back even harder often saying, “There is nothing to worry about!” Which only causes the worrier to worry more.
This is exhausting even to read, let alone live through consistently.
Imagine if you could somehow get all that energy back to build your marriage up?
The only way off this crazy circle is for you, the husband or wife with jealousy, to stand up and admit it!
(Sidenote: Finding out that there is actually infidelity going on is a different scenario and requires a different response than only perceiving that it is there.)
Then you can do what we mentioned above and use that time and effort together to deal with the root.
It Robs You From Speaking the Truth.
The saying is, “Speak the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
But the opposite is also true, “Speak the lie, and the lie will keep you bound.”
Jealousy shared will only put so much red tape between your intimate connection with you and your spouse that it will be harder and harder to get through to each other with what’s actually going on!
Just think, if you are jealous of their work, or workouts, or friends, or…
Honestly the list goes on and on.
Then every time you argue about it it’s like the jealousy brings all the things you are jealous about into the room.
It becomes so cluttered you can’t even talk about what’s actually happening.
Combine that with the exhaustion we mentioned above and you have a true mess on your hands.
Feeling stuck is a real problem and jealousy will prevent you over time from saying and hearing the very words that need to be communicated to bring you both freedom.
As you can see, jealousy really is a green eyed monster.
Is your marriage is going to make it for the long haul?
It will if you put the energy back into your marriage while you clear out the clutter and fall back in love with each other again.