SEX. Now that we have your attention…



The ad agencies have done a great job of making us experience what most of the world does, Sex and attraction is something to be used to point to something else.

Decolletage leads to Doritos.

Sultry pictures sell a car.

Rock hard abs make you want to try a new tropical get-away.

Sex may have been what gets you in through the door, but like too many one night stands, it leaves you wondering why you walked in in the first place.

It all feels too unsatisfying and cheap in the end.

Is this all there is to SEX? It’s there for a moment but is only meant to be replaced by something, well, less attractive by itself? Is it an addendum at best to be cast away when finished?

The pendulum swinging the other way can be just as unsatisfying.

An uber-prudish bent can lead us to believe that we should only talk about it in hushed tones, using words like copulation and coitous. It is so serious that a potential heart-attack is easier to voice.

If problems arise, we are to deal with them like a car repair man would work on an engine, behind closed doors, without emotion, and with expectation that the mess left behind just comes with the job.

Neither one of these is freeing.

Neither extreme has seemed to provide the forum and frame that couples need to have a satisfying, dare we say it, SEX life.

So potentially depressing observations aside, How do you develop the framework to talk about S-E-X?

How do you get past all the negative messages, regardless if they sound too prudish or too promiscuous?

How do you make it so it’s the hottest topic in your committed, loving, and monogamous relationship, not a dirty word to be avoided?

You have to first stop thinking of sex as something dirty or something to be avoided!

It’s time to flip the switch.

SEX is a Gift from God

Sex has been around for a very long time. God feels so strongly about sex in marriage that there is a whole book in the Bible that has some explicit accounts of sexuality. You can read the Song of Solomon to learn about these sexual encounters between a husband and a wife. The descriptions are quite provocative.

God created sex to be a sacred time that you experience with your spouse. Your sex life and what you and your spouse do together is between you, your spouse and God.

Good (married) girls do have SEX and enjoy it

When you learn how your body works and what feels good to you, sex is enjoyable. Let’s face it, the endorphin rush from having an orgasm is amazing.

When the two of you get to the point where it’s comfortable talking about your sex life you will start to see growth in this area of your marriage.

You’ll begin to explore each other, foster a sense of closeness and experience sex as it was meant to be.

SEX is the Ultimate connection that you can give

Your choice to embrace sex within your marriage is a decision to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent with your spouse.

During this intimate physical connection you allow yourself to be loved for who you are and you also allow your spouse to be fully loved for who they are.

This is a time when your mind, body and soul is one with your spouse as each of you give of yourselves.

When sex isn’t a dirty word, it opens you up to many possibilities!

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  1. Tony & Alisa,

    The wife & I are are out to embark on a well earned vacation. We have listened to your podcast off and on for a couple of years. We are in out 50’s (married 21 years) and are having the best sex of our lives.

    While planning our vacation I told my wife that I would like to to do the 7 day sex challenge. I was a little shocked when she told me that she “could not do it that much!”.

    I told her that that did not mean that the had to “orgasm” every day but that she should try and allow herself to enjoy the intimacy.

    How do I help her understand that this is something that she “can” do?

    Thank you both and Bless you for all you do!

    • Hey Richard,

      Thank you for being a loyal listener to the show. We’re honored and humbled to have you part of the ONE Family.

      Congrats on the well earned vacation. We totally get that these are needed and your excitement to embark on a 7 Days of Sex Challenge.

      After our last vacation where I was in a similar place as you and we didn’t have as much sex as I would have liked we recorded Sexpectations, https://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/sexpectations.

      This may give you some insights to where you wife may be when it comes to taking on the 7 Days of Sex Challenge during vacation.

      Also, she may think it is all physical when there is much more that is involved. This is why we wrote 7 Days of Sex Challenge: How to Rock Your Sex Life and Your Marriage, https://oneextraordinarymarriage.com/7daysofsex. Because this time together it’s so much more than just physical intimacy.

      Hope this helps you out and have a great time on vacation.

      Love you guys,

      Tony & Alisa

  2. Thank you for this article. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and this is still something that can be difficult. We both were brought up in homes where Sex was/is bad. Both of our parents never really talked to us about the great benefits of making love to our spouse. That other difficult thing that that can get in our way is being able to turn off our brains. Do you have any suggestions on how we can over come these huddles that keep seem to be getting in our way. Thank you for all that you guys do and God Bless!!!