Imagine you’ve planned the most exquisite surprise day date. You spare no expense in a lavish picnic.
It is the very definition of glamping.
You bring comfy pillows, sparkling wine, amazing food in a quaint basket, a checkered blanket, something to play your favorite romantic music, candles to keep away the bugs, and even an umbrella to keep the sun at bay.
You’ve heard about a stunning, secluded spot from a friend. It’s in the middle of an open field next to a rock wall and some beautiful trees.
It’ll be the perfect setting
You get off work early, and go to pick up your spouse in a freshly de-cheerio’ed and air freshened car.
Off you drive to a spot that you know will fulfill all you and their wildest dreams.
The conversation on the way over is amazing.
Questions and answers flow as easily as your laughter.
You feel a true reconnection after a busy week. The air is warm and crisp.
The anticipation builds as you park the car off to the side of the road where your friend told you to.
You pop the trunk and grab all your neatly packed picnic gear.
You’re almost running now as you both walk just into the woods where you know the trail head is.
Holding hands you head down the trail.
As you hit the gently worn path and know your destination is just a few yards away around the next bend.
You pause so you can stare into each other’s eyes. You tell your one and only how much you’ve been looking forward to this.
Finally you break apart and take the final turn towards heaven on earth.
That’s when it all comes crashing down.
Planted right in the middle of the entrance to the field, with a brand new fence underneath it, is a huge red and white sign that derails your wildest dreams.
The sparks start flying as soon as you see the look of disappointment in your honey’s eyes.
Before they can get out the, “Why didn’t you check before hand?” you know is seconds away, you launch a preemptive strike, turn on your heal, let out a heavy sigh, and storm back to the car to sulk.
This scenario may be all too familiar in the natural. A failed date can be huge grounds for distrust between you both.
Unmet expectations lead to further distrust and less chance of trusting each other in the future.
These broken down dreams become even harder to bear when the field you can’t get to together isn’t outside of you at all.
In fact, it lies in a place much more necessary to intimacy. Inside our hearts.
It can be devastating if you can’t access “all” of your spouse for one reason or another.
There is an area of their life that you have dreamed about being intimate with them, and the more you push in to gain access, the more you are met with “NO TRESPASSING!” signs.
One of the biggest areas this can be a problem for couples, is in your spirituality intimacy.
It can even creep up if you both believe the same thing.
The same as any other area of life, small disagreements can become huge issues.
A lack of spiritual intimacy can be fatal if not dealt with.
So how do we “deal” with it?
There are 3 simple secrets that are time tested and battle tried to help you experience a new level of spiritual intimacy with your spouse.
They are not the easiest, but the will help you to uproot any of those nasty old “NO TRESPASSING” signs and take back the spiritual real estate you desire in your marriage.
Talk About It
The same as your sex life, spiritual issues can be the hardest to communicate about.
This is exactly why you need to speak about them more.
If you can’t express and be heard on what you believe, why you believe it, and how you believe it should affect your marriage, then keep going until you do.
This goes far beyond, what church to go (or not go) to, what school to send the kids to, and what blessing the food should look like.
Where do you go in times of real trouble?
Who “initiates” spiritually?
The same as any other area of our marriage. Fail to plan? Plan to fail.
Be Part of a Spiritual Community
Marriage proves that God exists.
You’re either living in heaven on earth… or the other place.
Either way, your spouse was not designed to be the answer to all your prayers, and you weren’t designed to be the answer to all theirs.
At best, you are a helper, a reflection and the occasional guide.
Other than that, your spouse needs a lot more spiritually to be healthy.
Too many couples are not getting what they need from community, so they expect to get it all from each other. Then when let down, they take it out on each other.
There is a simple way around this.
Be part of a community where both of you can connect, grow, serve and lead.
Lean on people and families who believe what you believe and can bear burdens that are too much for you both to handle.
Then partner together to give to others in this same way.
It will strengthen you both, and your marriage in ways you desperately need.
Pray About Everything
Nothing can be more powerful.
Don’t worry if it’s hard at first. Just think of it like a new workout program you’ve started together.
It’s not necessarily going to bring the best out of both of you right off the bat.
It will require some discipline to stick with.
One of the biggest keys here is to learn to surrender control together.
Too often, the “No Trespassing” signs get put up inside of you because of hurt, fear, or distrust.
Experiencing a loving presence in those wounded places, with your spouse by your side, can be exactly what you need to get healing where you’ve long been denied it.
When you take each of these and do them consistently, you and your spouse will enjoy an all access marriage in all the ways you were designed to.