3 Simple Secrets of Spiritual Intimacy

Imagine this… You’ve planned the most exquisite surprise day date.

You spare no expense in a lavish picnic. You bring comfy pillows, amazing food in a quaint basket, a checkered blanket, and even an umbrella to keep the sun at bay. You’ve heard about a stunning, secluded spot from a friend. It’s in the middle of an open field next to a rock wall and some beautiful trees.

It’ll be the perfect setting for a romantic date.

You get off work early and go to pick up your spouse in a freshly cleaned car. Off you drive to a spot that you know will fulfill all your wildest dreams.

The conversation on the way over is amazing. Questions and answers flow as easily as your laughter. You feel a true reconnection after a busy week.

The anticipation builds as you park the car off to the side of the road where your friend told you to. You pop the trunk and grab all your neatly packed picnic gear.

You’re almost running now, hand in hand, as you both head toward the trail. You pause momentarily to stare into each other’s eyes. You tell your one and only how much you’ve been looking forward to this.

Finally you break apart and take the final turn towards heaven on earth.

That’s when it all comes crashing down.

Planted right in the middle of the entrance to the field, with a brand new fence underneath it, is a huge red and white sign that derails your wildest dreams: NO TRESPASSING. 

You see the look of disappointment in your honey’s eyes. Before they can even get out the words, “Why didn’t you check beforehand?” you launch a preemptive strike, turn on your heel, let out a heavy sigh, and storm back to the car to sulk.

Instant disconnect.

Are You Keeping Your Heart Off Limits From Your Spouse?

This scenario may be all too familiar. A failed date can be huge grounds for distrust between you both.

Unmet expectations lead to further distrust and less chance of trusting each other in the future.

What’s even worse is when this place that you so dearly wanted to go with your spouse isn’t really a “place” at all. 

It’s your spiritual intimacy.

It can be devastating if you can’t access “all” of your spouse for one reason or another.

You know this Pillar of Intimacy is important for a strong and healthy marriage, whatever it looks like for the two of you. And yet, the more you push in to gain access, the more you are met with NO TRESPASSING signs.

The Spiritual Intimacy Pillar can be one of the biggest problem areas for couples. It can even creep up if you both believe the same thing.

The same as in any other area of life, small disagreements can become huge issues. A lack of spiritual intimacy can be fatal if not dealt with.

So how do we “deal” with it?

3 Simple Secrets of Spiritual Intimacy You Need to Know

There are 3 simple secrets that are time-tested and battle-tried to help you experience a new level of spiritual intimacy with your spouse.

They are not the easiest, but they will help you to uproot any of those nasty old NO TRESPASSING signs and take back the spiritual real estate you desire in your marriage.

1. Talk About It

The same as your sex life, spiritual issues can be the hardest to communicate about. This is exactly why you need to speak about them more.

If you can’t express and be heard on what you believe, why you believe it, and how you believe it should affect your marriage, then keep going until you do.

This goes far beyond the basics:

• What church will you go (or not go) to?
• Where will the kids go to school?
• What does blessing the food look like?

Instead, you have to get deep:

• Where do you go in times of real trouble?
• Who “initiates” spiritually?
• How will you support each other’s spiritual walk?
• What will your spiritual intimacy routines look like?

The same as in any other area of our marriage. Fail to plan? Plan to fail.

2. Be Part of a Spiritual Community

Your spouse was not designed to be the answer to all your prayers, and you weren’t designed to be the answer to all of theirs. At best, you are a helper, a reflection, and the occasional guide.

Other than that, your spouse needs a lot more spiritually to be healthy.

Too many couples are not getting what they need from community, so they expect to get it all from each other. Then when let down, they take it out on each other.

There is a simple way around this: 

Be part of a community where both of you can connect, grow, serve, and lead.

Lean on people and families who believe what you believe and can bear burdens that are too much for you both to handle. Then, spouse together to give to others in this same way.

It will strengthen you both, and your marriage, in ways you desperately need.

3. Pray About Everything

Nothing can be more powerful. Don’t worry if it’s hard at first. Just think of it like a new workout program you’ve started together.

It’s not necessarily going to bring the best out of both of you right off the bat. It will require some discipline to stick with.

One of the biggest keys here is to learn to surrender control together.

Too often, the NO TRESPASSING signs get put up inside of your heart because of hurt, fear, or distrust. 

Experiencing a loving presence in those wounded places, with your spouse by your side, can be exactly what you need to get the healing you need.

Keeping Your Spiritual Intimacy Pillar Strong

When you take each of these simple secrets and do them consistently, you and your spouse will enjoy an all-access marriage with strong spiritual intimacy.

Check out these resources to help you grow in this area of your marriage:

• 10 Prayers for My Husband Free Marriage Guide
• 10 Prayers for My Wife Free Marriage Guide
• Jesus Changes Everything: 7 Key Teachings of Jesus to Live Your Best Marriage
• Called to Love: Experiencing Your Best Marriage Through the Words of Jesus