“Do, or do not. There is no try.” —Yoda

Initiating Sex

The Jedi master knew a thing or two about a thing or two.

Yet you have to wonder sometimes if all of his time spent making things float in mid air or practicing back flips with a light saber got in the way of his people skills.

Many a husband and wife have done their best to “DO”, but gotten met with, “Do not” so they’re wondering if all that’s left is to “try”.

Initiating sex can be a tricky and confusing business.

If making love with your spouse doesn’t come with enough potential pitfalls and might-be mishaps, then realizing that you can be sidetracked before you even get there can discourage even the bravest among us.

We’re here to remind you to be of good cheer! Hopefully with this roadmap you’ll be on your path to a better sex life in no time. May the force be with you!

Know What You’re Up Against

Communication between men and women can be tricky at times. If you’re communication game is not up to par, then initiating sex is going to be particularly touchy.

As we always say about issues of sexuality, you have to be able to openly talk about them with your spouse. Even with the clearest of intentions, road signs to the bedroom can be misinterpreted!

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Don’t get discouraged. Keep ironing out the particulars until you know how he likes to say he’s ready, and how she likes to be told she can’t wait for tonight.

Don’t be afraid to write up ideas and rules for initiation. It might take a trash can full of crinkled paper, but it’ll be worth it.

Get to the point where you’re as good as any major league pitcher and catcher. You both know the signs, and you both know what’s coming next.

This will ensure a lot less striking out. If you need help getting an outline or conversation started, try our 21 Ways To Initiate Sex With Your Spouse.

It’s Not a Him Thing, or a Her Thing, It’s a Us Thing

It’s great to know who plays what role in your household. Somebody might do the dishes, and somebody might read the kids a bedtime story. One of you might handle the bills while the other one brings in the bacon.

When it comes to initiating sex though, it has to be an all play scenario! Better to be both throwing out too many missed signals than too few.

If one of you has a deeply seeded belief that initiating falls squarely on the other partner’s shoulders, then don’t be afraid to bring that up and talk about it.

Like a lot of sexual predispositions, where we came from and how we learned about sex, can influence what we think about pursuing our partner. Just because that’s how “they” did it doesn’t mean that will be right for your union.

She might need mornings and he might have to take the evenings because that’s when your energy levels peak. Be practical at the same time you shoot for the ideal.

Take The Time to Deal With The Rejection

Having the person you love the most say no to your most intimate need hurts and puts a brick of angst between the two of you. Having the person you love the most constantly find a way not to connect with you takes those bricks and makes them a wall.

It will take both of you to push this way and pull that way to get that division out of the way. This may take an outside voice or coach but it’s so worth it.

One of the greatest indicators of health in a marriage is a great sex life, and one of the greatest indicators of a great sex life, is emotional intimacy. If you haven’t gotten the picture already, emotional intimacy is grown where communication happens regularly.

You are both worth knowing that you are desired by your spouse. If you possess, or have provided evidence to the contrary, then bring it up, deal with it, repent of it, and forgive it.

Starting a new chapter can happen today!

No matter who initiates or how it happens, if you have agreed on what’s best for you both, then go for it. In the end, how you start isn’t as important as how you finish.

When it comes to initiating sex, the better the beginning, the better it’ll end.

That’s worth trying for.

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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