3 Things You Need to Know Before Initiating Sex
“Do, or do not. There is no try.” —Yoda
The Jedi master knew a thing or two about a thing or two. Many a husband and wife have done their best to “DO”, but gotten met with, “Do not” so they’re wondering if all that’s left is to “try”.
Initiating sex can be a tricky and confusing business.
As if making love with your spouse doesn’t come with enough potential pitfalls and might-be mishaps, realizing you can be sidetracked before you even get there can discourage even the bravest among us.
We’re here to remind you to be of good cheer! Hopefully with this roadmap you’ll be on your path to a better sex life in no time. May the force be with you!
The Secret to Fewer Missed Signals When Initiating Sex
Communication between men and women can be tricky at times. If your communication game is not up to par, then initiating sex is going to be particularly touchy. As we always say about issues of sexual intimacy, you have to be able to openly talk about them with your spouse. Even with the clearest of intentions, road signs to the bedroom can be misinterpreted!
Here’s how to get on the same page:
- Talk about it openly. What does initiation look and feel like for each of you?
- Write it down. Don’t be afraid to put ideas and “rules” for initiation on paper. It might take a trash can full of crinkled paper, but it’ll be worth it.
- Learn each other’s signals. Get to the point where you’re as good as any major league pitcher and catcher. You both know the signs, and you both know what’s coming next. This will ensure a lot less striking out.
If you need inspiration for this conversation, try our 21 Ways To Initiate Sex With Your Spouse.
Initiating Sex Is a Two-Way Street
It’s great to know who plays what role in your household. Somebody does the dishes, somebody reads the kids a bedtime story, one of you handles the bills while the other brings in the bacon. When it comes to initiating sex though, it has to be an all-play scenario! Better to both be throwing out too many signals than too few.
A few things to keep in mind:
- Check your assumptions. If one of you believes initiating falls squarely on the other’s shoulders, bring that up and talk about it.
- Know your history. Where we came from and how we learned about sex can influence what we think about pursuing our spouse. Just because that’s how “they” did it doesn’t mean it’s right for your marriage.
- Work with your schedules. She might need mornings and he might have to take the evenings. Lean into when your energy levels actually peak. Be practical at the same time you shoot for the ideal.
Click HERE to Download the Free 19 Questions to Amazing Sex Marriage Guide
How to Handle Rejection
Having the person you love the most say no to your most intimate need hurts and puts a brick of angst between the two of you. Having them constantly find a way not to connect with you takes those bricks and makes them a wall.
Here’s the truth about working through it:
- It takes both of you. Pushing this way and pulling that way to get that division out of the way is a team effort.
- Don’t be afraid to get help. This may take an outside voice or work with marriage coach, but it’s so worth it.
- Remember the connection. One of the greatest indicators of health in a marriage is a great sex life, and one of the greatest indicators of a great sex life is emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy grows where communication happens regularly.
You are both worth knowing that you are desired by your spouse. If you haven’t shown your spouse they’re desired (or haven’t felt it yourself) bring it up, deal with it, repent of it, and forgive it. A new chapter can start today.
Ready to Make a Move?
No matter who initiates or how it happens, if you’ve agreed on what’s best for you both, then go for it. In the end, how you start isn’t as important as how you finish. When it comes to initiating sex, the better the beginning, the better it’ll end.
That’s worth trying for.
And if you want support getting there? We’ve got you. Whether you’re looking for personalized guidance through Marriage Coaching or ready to go deep on this topic with our Intimacy Mastery community, we’re here to walk alongside you. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
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