There are times in your marriage when you are your own worst enemy when it comes to the amount of stress you are experiencing.

Today we want to share with you 3 ways that you can decrease the stress in your marriage.

Don’t try and read your spouses mind.

During the early years of our marriage Alisa and I would try to do this very thing. If she made a face or a sound I would immediately go into “what is she thinking mode”. What would transpire was me getting frustrated and agitated because I was worried that I had done something to upset her.

Usually it was nothing I had done, but something that had happened during her day. I don’t have ESP and I’m sure you don’t either. If you do please let us know. ; )

Instead of trying to read your spouses mind, ask a simple open statement question, such as, “What happened today that is bothering you?”. If it doesn’t have to do with you, listen to understand what is happening in their life.

Make sure you catch this photo. It’s speaks volumes on what can happen when you don’t ask.

Trust your spouse with big and small decisions.

This is a big one for me. As ONE has grown there are a lot more moving parts. I usually handle the majority of back end tasks. Recently, I had to let go and trust Alisa with some of these. Tough for me as I can be a bit of a control freak.

How wonderful it has been and I’ve learned three words that have made it easy on both of us, “I trust you”. These three words let her know that what she does is 100% good with me and it has allowed me to not stress out about the task at hand.

Next time you have a task for your spouse, let them go after it and tell them, “I trust you”.

Sometime you have to say “no”.

This pertains to those extra activities that are taking you away from spending time with your spouse. Don’t get me wrong there are many great project, organizations, or kids activities that are worthwhile and yet are they adding any value to you and your marriage.

You need to look at each of these and ask yourself the question, “Does this activity add value to my marriage?”. If the answer is no it’s time to cut that activity from your calendar.

Bear in mind that you will go through different phases of you marriage where you will cut activities so that you can spend time in areas that matter most to you. There will also be times when activities will be added that enhance your marriage. The key is that you are spending more time in areas that matter most to you.

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What do you do that helps you decrease the stress in your marriage?

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  1. Learning to say “no” to others so you have the time and ability to say “yes” to each is something I’m so happy I learned early on. It has definitely kept the stress level to a minimum. Kudos on the post.

    • Saying “no” is a big one for sure Fawn. When we are coaching couples this seems to be one that has to happen to decrease the stress in their marriage. There have been many of times in mine and Alisa’s marriage when we say “yes” to much and to the detriment of our marriage. We then have to backpedal some and start to back out of those obligations.

  2. For some reason, it seems we all try to be mind readers, maybe because we are just trying to be sensitive. I am guilty of this one. Sometimes I try to interpret a look or a word without realizing that I just don’t have enough information. That seemingly disdainful look on your spouse’s face might actually be indigestion! When in doubt, it’s best to ask, and when asked, it’s best to answer.

  3. Oh wow, that picture with the diaries made me laugh so hard. Almost did a spit take.

    Usually I try to use sarcasm and humor with my wife to diffuse the tension and stress. The kids are usually the cause of the stress, but you can’t give them away. We’ve tried some days. The point is that laughter is a great relief for both of us, especially when we are at the end of our ropes.