When a “big” or  “important” conversation is being dealt with via texting it is causing more heartache and less connection for married couples around the world.


Avoiding the face to face conversation may seem easier and yet, the end result is that more often then not you are more disconnected.

You’re questioning your spouse more.

You’re more frustrated.

You’re not able to get the context or nuance of what is being said.

Time Magazine reported in October 2013  a study in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy that…

  • Men who texted more often in general reported lower relationship quality than those who didn’t ping their significant others as frequently. The researchers can only speculate about why, but suspect that as men disconnect from a relationship, or consider a break-up, they replace face-to-face interactions with less intimate communication in the form of increased texting.
  • Women tended to take to their smartphone keyboards to apologize, work out their differences and make decisions — in other words, when their relationship was in trouble. As their connection with their loved one deteriorated, women attempted to make up or resolve their differences via text, which the scientists believe is the online version of the need to “talk things out.”

It’s time to put down the phones and schedule time to TALK to one another.

In this week’s show Tony and Alisa talk about why texting is not a good idea when you need to discuss big or important issues with your spouse.

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3 thoughts on “317: TEXTING IS NOT TALKING

  1. Sometimes it is difficult not to text if a subject always end in discution or discomfort. How can you start a conversation where you are not tending to hurt feelings. But not matter how you bring it up he always gets discomfort….

    I tend to text in this subject in-laws… Because it has been since my first child was born that I can’t touch that particular subject without a funny face.. Or bad mood… I want to talk… We only talk once in those 4 years and I know that for him I am a hard ass.. But it is hard for me how to approach I am scared to have a fight for that subject… And tend to do it all texting cero talk… The times I tend to talk, had been not bad but a totally shut down … So…

    • You both need help M. There are some differences in communication style that needs attention so that the two of you can have a conversation over this subject. A change needs to happen and for that you both have to take action in your marriage so that you can have this conversation.

      A third party would be the best to assist you both on what may be going on and help you discuss this subject together.

      We offer a free 30-minute consultation to learn more about your particular situation and then share some ways to work with us in a coaching capacity. You can sign up here for the consultation call, https://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/30minutes.

      Love you guys.

  2. Hi Mr & Mrs,
    I just chanced upon ur show today and I’m glad I did. I’m going on to 3 yrs of marriage and it’s already stale. When it comes to texting, we message each other at work with sweet words like ” I miss you, can’t wait to kiss you later” but when we do get home that feeling is not exhibited. By the time we take care of our 2 year old, its all bland. Guess what I’m saying is we don’t discuss the important things over texting but we use it most times as our main form of intimacy. Sex is usually once a week; mundane. I don’t like where we’re heading.
    Gonna keep listening to your other topics Cuz I need to breath new life into my new marriage.