338: BEAUTIFUL WIFE

You’ve been sharing with your wife that she is beautiful to you inside and out. You see her as this amazing, incredible gift from God.

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A gift that honestly you cannot wait to unwrap.

You want her to realize that it’s not a sin to acknowledge her own beauty and sensuality without feeling dirty and yet your wife doesn’t see herself as beautiful.

Your wife doesn’t feel the same way about herself as you see her.

There is a struggle you both face with reconciling the expectations in the bedroom with the discouraging words that she has received through her life.

Additionally when she looks in the mirror and at her life:

  • she feels stuck
  • unattractive
  • no where near beautiful.

Yet you see her as an amazing woman, wife and mother, but you know there is a  disconnect that is hurting your marriage.

In this week’s show Tony and Alisa talk about why your marriage needs the phrase my beautiful wife. You’ll be challenged to use this with your spouse and yet it’s important.

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2 thoughts on “338: BEAUTIFUL WIFE

  1. Oh, I am so frustrated right now. We’ve been married for 30+ years. We’ve gone through a porn/masturbation addiction and an affair. Three boys – all high school graduates and no pregnancies, a trio of marriages, a couple of divorces . . . so many things to look back on and how would/should we have done differently. Next year, God willing, we will be grandparents.

    Listening to your podcast tonight – and I knew you had released it a bit ago, I saw it on FB and didn’t encourage my husband to listen to it . . . out of character for me with regards to your podcasts. I am not good with this. A brief background — he was addicted to porn for many, many years. I knew before we were married and, like so many women, thought that once we were married it would magically go away. It’s been a challenge throughout our marriage, and I do believe that we have haltered the beast, but by no means have we defeated it . . . it’s a constant battle, I’m especially certain, on my husband’s part. My beast to master would be the fact that I am a beautiful wife. A brief back story – my sister died from cancer in 2011. I discovered my husband’s secret porn life in 2012, yet again. In 2013, my father brutally took my inventory. Scattered amongst that time period, I had one son marry, divorce, join the Army, choose EOD for his career; another son graduate and move away to college; and yet another son marry, move and divorce . . . a full plate, wouldn’t you say?

    It’s really hard to believe that in my husband’s eyes I am beautiful. I know he gets it — we’ve been involved with a ministry that restores marriages struggling with sexual purity. In fact, I now volunteer as co-director and co-facilitator of our basically “triage” group where new spouses can come and learn about what their husbands are struggling with. The messages I’ve heard throughout the years, coupled with the struggle my husband has had and now – add to that disclosure and a death and my family shattering, I’ve totally felt broken. I’ve got no more to give.

    Somewhere in that, I’m supposed to believe that my husband thinks I’m all that and a bag of chips? Can I get a pass, because tonight, right now, I don’t believe it. And I avoided listening to your podcast because I can’t handle it. And tonight he chooses to listen to it. Probably we’ll listen to it again, because right now, I’ve shut down. After almost 32 years of marriage, you’d think I would believe it. And I want to — really, I do. Not believing I am his world – that’s exhausting to try and keep up. Right??

    Anyway – I’ll get there. I pray to God I’ll get there. He’s a good man – the man God chose for me. I know he’s the best there is. I adore him. I just wish I could give him the satisfaction of seeing myself as he sees me. That’s where the battle is . . .

    Thanks for the podcast. Apparently it’s one I have to listen to again and again.

    • First of all, my heart goes out to you. I could feel the pain and hurt in what you posted. I think that the most important thing I get out of your comments were that you it is not important now to know how your husband sees you, but how God sees you. You are more valuable to Him than you could ever imagine. When you think about it, you are so valuable to Him that He sent His Son to die for you. You need to pray for your husband like you have never prayed before. The enemy is attacking your marriage, as he is attacking so many of the marriages in our country today. I have not watched the podcast, but the fact that your husband wants to watch it with you, is something. My wife and I have been married 43 years. We gave our life to Christ in 1978. We had four children and sort of drifted in our spiritual journey with Christ. In 2008 one of our daughters had a horrific car accident and almost died. So many miracles happened during that period, that it brought our life back into focus and we got closer to God than we ever had. I to was into pornography and it was a hard thing to shake, especially when it can be obtained freely on your computer and even your phone, it was basically with me all the time. It did not mean I loved my wife any less, I was just hooked into that demon. I recommitted my life to Christ and we both continue to grow in His grace. You both need to be in a strong full bible teaching church. It would be good if you made time to study the bible together and to pray together. As Romans 8:28 tells us “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” You have to make Christ the center of your marriage. I know it is hard, but pray and be patient and allow God to work on your husband. Allow others to pray for you. If you have a prayer chain, submit your prayer request. You don’t need to name names, but allow your faith to make you strong.