“Knowing is not enough we must apply. Willing is not enough we must do.” —J W Von Goethe


When you don’t know what works in the bedroom (or what doesn’t) you may be paralyzed wondering…

  • Does my spouse like this?
  • Is this position OK?
  • Are they initiating?
  • Is this a good time?

Think about this for a minute. If you don’t know what your spouse likes, it’s hard to be fully present in the act of making love.

If you don’t know how your spouse initiates or if they are initiating, there may be a lot of hurt feelings.

Doubt creeps in and Doubt is NEVER a good thing in your marriage.

When both of you don’t know what works for the two of you this can create a disconnect.

Disconnect leads to questions swirling in your head which then leads to a breakdown in your confidence.

When you lose your confidence you wonder if you two even know each other anymore. 

At this point you may stop trying because of the uncertainty you are faced with each day.

What does this mean?

  • Less sex
  • More frustration
  • More arguments
  • Unhappiness

There are enough things in the world that can cause frustration in your life, let’s not have it be wondering what works for you and your spouse in the bedroom.

This is something that the two of you can control and talk about.

Now you may not always agree. But you will know your spouse.

Because when you know what works you’re not just shooting blindly in your bedroom.

You are making a conscious decision as to how you are going to approach your sexual intimacy.


In this week’s show Tony and Alisa talk about why what you don’t know about your spouse in the bedroom can hurt you and your marriage.

EPISODE SPONSOR | Breaking Free For Men & Breaking Free For Women

Many of you have said to us:

  • “I know that there are areas that I need to work on.”
  • “My spouse is not ready to work on the marriage but I need to take action.”
  • “I want things to be different but I don’t know what to do.”

In this digital workshop we cover: how to overcome fear, creatively voice your expectations, lose the negative thoughts, and how to be bold in your relationship.


19 Quick Questions That Will Rekindle Your Sex Life ASAP

Strategic Coaching with Alisa

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