“Most people involved in emotional affairs will downplay the seriousness of the event by claiming that they are just friends or it’s not big deal, nothing happened.” —Anonymous


A recent conversation with a husband made mention that his wife had a “work husband” and it had crossed the line.

She was more emotionally invested in the work spouse than in the marriage itself.

The definition of a work spouse is:

a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage. The problem becomes as to how close they mirror a real marriage.

The numbers out there on having a work spouse are mind blowing:

  • 65% of respondents reported having a work spouse
  • 24% of those continue to communicate via text/email/phone calls after hours and on the weekends
  • 33% of respondents indicated that their work spouse’s appearance is important to them
  • 63% discussed health issues with their work spouse,
  • 59% confided in their work spouse about at-home problems and
  • 35% discussed their sex life with their work spouse.
  • 13% of those surveyed said they had a personal interaction with their work spouse that they later regretted.
  • 8% of respondents “crossed the line” with their work spouse, while another
  • 9% said they were uncertain if they crossed the line.
  • 22% percent of married people say their real spouse does not know about their work spouse.

2010 Captivate Network Study.

Nowadays we spend more time AWAKE and energized at the office than we do at home with our spouse.

The connectivity of our world makes the ability to text, email, and call super convenient and easy.

We know that you need to get your work done and yet…

The problem becomes when this relationship falls into that area where you become more emotionally and perhaps even physically involved with the work spouse.

When you are sharing the challenges that you are facing at home or in your bedroom it can become very easy for the person that knows you best at work, especially a work spouse to offer comfort and emotional support.

It becomes easy to see things in that person that you are missing at home, especially when you are telling them everything that’s wrong.

He or she wants to comfort you because you’re friends.

Unfortunately that type of comfort can easily cross the line.

What starts out innocently as friends, can easily cross the line without specific guardrails in place to safeguard your marriage.

In this week’s show Tony and Alisa talk about what the slippery slope of having a work spouse and what you need to do to put guardrails around yourself and marriage.

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Other Resources:

115: The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

Take a Break… A Coffee Break

Connect Like You Did When You First Met:101 Proven Questions for Couples

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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One thought on “399: WORK SPOUSE DANGER

  1. Hi,
    I am sending this from the other side of the world …all the way from Saudi Arabia!! I just want to thank you for the positive yet realistic ideas you are sharing with us. I came across your show this summer when my marriage was becoming too overwhelming for me!! my husband and I were very close in the early years of our marriage, but after 12 years and 3 kids we started to drift apart and we had almost no time for each other. Thanks to you things are not back to what they were 12 years ago they are much better and our connection is much deeper. Thank you for sharing your life and experience with us.
    I thought you should know that your effect has reached people miles and miles away from you guys. Keep it up…God bless