“It’s hard to be satisfied with your life (or your marriage), if you are never satisfied with yourself.” —Anonymous

Did you know that only 15% of wives are completely satisfied with their sexual arousal?

That means that at least 85% of marriages have one spouse (if not both) who desire increased sexual arousal.  

We’ve identified four areas that can contribute to sexual satisfaction and want to discuss what you can do to overcome potential obstacles.  

Two weeks ago we talked about how body image affects our vulnerability and when women don’t feel beautiful, they typically won’t open themselves up emotionally or sexually.

Self value plays out in the bedroom (and only 2% of women describe themselves as beautiful).

Thankfully, this can be changed, it just takes time and consistency.

Both husbands and wives are constantly either tearing each other down or building each other up with their words.

It’s no accident that Tony began referring to his wife as “my beautiful wife, Alisa” six years ago. What would the impact be if you began constantly building up your spouse and affirming their attractiveness?

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots”.

It’s true; the length of time it takes for women to become aroused is significantly longer than for men. We cannot overstate the importance of creating margin in your life so that having intimate time with each other is not an impediment to your schedule.

We challenge you to say to your spouse, “I’m going to make you my only focus of the next 30 minutes.” Then follow through.

Around the ONE family, we often use the terms “high desire” and “low desire” to refer to the differences between spouses’ level of sexual desire.

However, if we are not careful, these can become scarlet letter labels that we assume.

Too many high-desire spouses act as though it’s a one-sided exchange and feel as if they are being rejected time and time again.

And the low desire spouse can play the part of the “difficult” lover who doesn’t allow her/himself to become aroused.

Once you are together in your bedroom, toss these labels away! Focus on what you can do to please your spouse.

Open the conversation with your spouse.

In today’s society people don’t have respectful, honest conversations about sexual intimacy in marriage.

It’s usually one of two extremes: stereotypical male-chauvinism or crickets. That’s not how marriage thrives.

What happens in your bedroom is between you, your spouse and God. And the three of you need to be both open and honest!

This is not a conversation that should happen in your bedroom – go for a walk, a drive, any neutral place to share comfortably.

The first time you express your preferences is definitely the hardest conversation, but after that it gets easier and it will be a series of conversations you’ll have throughout the rest of your married life.

Things change, and just like every other area of intimacy in your marriage, the two of you need to communicating and transparent.

Being satisfied in your sexuality doesn’t look the same for each person. However, it is important to have a healthy understanding of yourself and earnest pursuit of pleasing your spouse as you grow together.


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Other Resources:

Position Of The Month Club

428: Does This Outfit Make Me Look Fat

4LifeTransform Man

19 Quick Questions That Will Rekindle Your Sex Life

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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