“Do not be too timid or squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson


A topic like having sex while the wife is on her period is such a personal preference that we won’t presume to be prescriptive.

But no one is talking about it – in fact we bet that you and your spouse haven’t had a candid conversation about it.

For our entire marriage we have generally avoided sex during Alisa’s period. We’re open about where she is in her cycle and mentally account for that down time each month.

And yet last month her period came early and caught us by surprise.

It was like a balloon deflated for Tony when Alisa told him it came early. For several reasons that week was particularly stressful, and Tony was looking forward to making love with Alisa for connection.

So here we were, and the conversation came up: why don’t we have sex during her period?

A 2017 study by Cue shows that only 15% of people engage in sex when the woman is on her period. There’s lots of potential reasons to avoid it: it’s messy, there are more logistics, religious beliefs, lack of libido, etc.

But our instinct tells us that most people probably avoid it just because that’s what you’ve always done. And yet this is counter to what we are about at ONE Extraordinary Marriage.

It’s worth opening the conversation with your spouse. Maybe your fears are easily remediable (Alisa grabbed a dark-colored sex towel instead of the typical white).

Perhaps your husband would like to try it (you each are falsely assuming the other spouse thinks it’s gross). It just might feel even better (many women are more sexually sensitive during menstruation).

Maybe the conversation will be a quick 10 second chat that results in a “no, it’s not on the table for us”. But perhaps you’d be open to trying a variation: maybe only on a light day, or in the shower, or involving select body parts.

Whatever the solution you two choose isn’t the point: it’s never just about sex, it’s about growing together through all things.


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Other Resources:

[Infograph] Sex & Orgasms

Menstruation Bed Pad

Disposable Under Pad

Position of the Month Club

ONE Extraordinary Marriage Daily Steps

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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5 thoughts on “436: SEX DURING HER PERIOD

  1. Hey, guys! During the last episode about this topic I thought about writing to you, and now it has come up again. The tool I use for this conundrum is called the Soft Cup menstrual cup. It goes in like a diaphragm and is used instead of a tampon or pad. And the best part is that you can use it to have normal sex during menstruation. I use a regular, reusable menstrual cup during my period, but if my husband and I decide to have sex we use the disposable Soft Cups. I hope that helps!

  2. Newlywed here!

    I don’t think it’s explicitly said, but I think it’s important to note that vaginal penetration is not the only way to connect during this time! I know it’s possible to please my wife without having sex in the traditional way. I might get a little mess on my hands or on a toy, but it’s definitely cleanable. It doesn’t have to be a sexless time of the month!

  3. We have been no sex during the period for 20 plus years, w/little conversation or at least just enough to say yeah, too gross. But I recently discovered using a menstrual cup. Takes a lot of the mess out of the equation. And at least, mutual pleasuring of each other is back on the table.