“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” —Dalai Lama

When conflict or tension arises, human instinct is to switch into self-preservation mode.

Someone hurts us, we close ourselves off. We overspend and then attempt to cover it up.

In a recent conversation with a divorce attorney he shared how couples who are talking about divorce usually perpetuate themselves further apart simply because they react differently than a couple who are working towards reconciliation.

We’re here to say: Do the opposite.

Choose to make a decision that goes against what we feel like doing. Rather than shifting towards self-preservation in the face of a challenge, opt for spouse-preservation.

Of course, it doesn’t seem just or deserved, and it may not be. But if you want a better marriage, it’s the only way to get it.

The hug that we read on this week’s show was from a wife who found out 4 weeks ago that her husband had an affair a year prior. They chose to do a sex challenge and have had sex every day for the past 21 days.

Seems nuts, right?

Sure, but they’ve experienced restoration and rebuilt trust faster than you’d believe.

You’re probably not meeting with a divorce attorney, struggling with infidelity, or other “major” issues. So what do you need to do?

  • If you are not having regular, satisfying sex, start the Intimacy Lifestyle.
  • If you aren’t having good connection in conversation, incorporate the Coffee Break
  • Has it been a while since you’ve gone out on a date… cancel something else and make plans for this weekend
  • Are you lacking boundaries, it’s time to establish some guardrails
  • If you find a lot to complain about your spouse, decide to take a week to only compliment them

We challenge you to be revolutionary: choose to lean into your spouse rather than pushing them away. Seek out fun together. Serve one another. Be eager to make up rather than be right.


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Other Resources:

ONE Conference

Take A Break… A Coffee Break

ONE Extraordinary Marriage Daily Steps

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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One thought on “438: DO THE OPPOSITE

  1. I like your site. As a middle aged man, I’ve only very recently discovered/admitted that I have ADHD. I’m guessing I represent a very significant portion of your audience because of the common challenges untreated ADHD poses to marriage and other intimate relations. It’s been an eye opener for me and gives some structure to helping my marriage and family heal. Your encouragement and prods to be positively affirming in my actions words and thoughts to the woman I love is also very helpful. Maybe you could talk about the two together. Just a suggestion.