“Never trust a girl who doesn’t fart, you don’t know what else she’s holding back from you.” — Anonymous
We know that even reading about this topic makes some people feel uncomfortable. And if you and your spouse feel exactly the same way about your bodily functions you don’t need to read on.
However, in just about every marriage there’s one spouse who feels more private about certain functions than their spouse, and if left unresolved, this can result in significant loss of intimacy.
Tony prefers the bathroom door to be closed; Alisa thinks that energy is a waste and leaves it open.
Whether we are discussing burps, urinating, bowel movements, passing gas, childbirth, queefs, vomiting, or anything else, we have natural reactions that human bodies perform to meet a biological need.
Acknowledging that they happen is foundational to honesty in marriage. Witnessing your spouse’s experience of them is a matter of personal preference.
In our recent Instagram poll (up for 24 hours), we heard from over 1100 of you guys:
- 71% pass gas in front of your spouse “all the time”
- 48% keep the door open when you use the restroom
- 45% shower together often
Where each of you fall isn’t our concern, but we do want every couple to have increased intimacy. So what’s the impact on intimacy for witnessing those bodily functions?
There are two camps: Too Familiar and Greater Freedom.
Some people feel that exposure to some of those bodily functions removes the mystery and anticipation of your spouse’s sexual nature – you would identify with the Too Familiar camp.
Others in the Greater Freedom camp enjoy the closeness this brings because they have seen it all and feel more open to exploration of their spouse’s whole body.
We want to challenge you to tell your spouse how you can enjoy greater intimacy with them. If that’s asking them to respect greater privacy so that you can experience more physical excitement — please do say so!
If being more vulnerable with your body brings you a greater sense of freedom, then help them to understand.
It’s not about changing your spouse, but it is being honest about bodily functions and how these are driving you towards or away from deeper intimacy.
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