“Quality is never the result of an accident. It is always the result of intelligent effort.” —John Ruskin


Many things in life have a trade-off between quantity and quality: the diamond you can get within a budget, the number friendships you can maintain, even the pleasure from an In-N-Out burger will diminish quickly if eaten three times per day.

However we don’t want that principle to choke out the truth regarding your sexual intimacy.

The more hours you spend playing basketball, the better you become. The more attention the grape vine gets while growing, the finer the wine. The more cell towers your provider has, the better the coverage.

When sex doesn’t happen frequently, it rarely achieves greatness.

If a husband knows this Saturday will be the only chance of sex for another month, there’s not much room for creativity or exploration in the bedroom. Just like making the turkey for your in-law’s Thanksgiving meal, you’re probably going to stick with the tried-and-true recipe rather than testing out something that could bonk. The pressure is on, and the desire not to fail is greater than the risk of something magical.

But what if we put as much of a priority on our sex life as we do on keeping up with fantasy football, laundry and dishes? There is a huge potential upside, and who cares if you eat from paper plates for a night?

We want you to honestly address a few questions in your own marriage:

  • How can we relieve the stress or tension around sex in our marriage?
  • What is your mindset about sex?
  • What is the real reason the low-desire spouse is holding back?

We’d be willing to bet that three out of four couples reading this would benefit from a higher quantity of sex. By relieving pressure from infrequent sex, and being willing to know your and your spouse’s bodies better, you will unlock a much greater potential for higher-quality sex.

Don’t hide behind the excuse of what your spouse needs to do first. Take the first step with something that you can do. Bring up the conversation, answer these questions for yourself, romance your spouse, try a 7 Days of Sex Challenge.


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Other Resources:

Intimacy Lifestyle Planner

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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  1. This was a very interesting podcast today. I remember years ago when talking about raising children it seemed, socially, that there was a focus on the importance of spending quality time with your children and that was “the” key to success. I never really believed this. My opinion was and is, that when raising children, if you do not have a sufficient quantity of time with them, you will not be there when the quality time happens. Teaching happens when children are ready to learn, like when a question pops into their mind, not when you plan a specific activity to teach them something. I think that this could also apply to the intimate relationship between a husband and wife. If you are not having sufficient quantity, you may not be there when the quality would have happened. That does not mean that infrequent sex is not good. It may even be very good, every time. Without the quantity, you will never know if it could be great.