“Overthinking ruins you, ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it is.” —Anonymous

Being in the moment, mentally, during sex can be a struggle for everyone. While women tend to be the assumed offender, men can fall prey to this, too.

There are seasons in marriage when it may be more prevalent than others, but as we are mindful of the effects of disengagement you can be quicker to rebound to a place of experiencing true intimacy with your spouse.

It’s important to be mentally engaged because when you’re having sex you are  intensely vulnerable, completely exposed (physically and emotionally) before your spouse. If your spouse mentally checks out, it sends a powerful signal that they are not sufficient. What may seem insignificant to you can be damaging to your spouse and send ripple effects into other areas of your marriage.

It’s a classic case of the chicken and the egg problem: you aren’t emotionally connected prior to sex, so you don’t experience true intimacy during sex, and then you are even more incongruent after sex.

What can you do to get out of this rut and be in the moment? You have to fill in the rut.

Maybe this means more non-sexual touching, locking the doors, praying, changing the mood in your bedroom, leaving work at your desk, or putting on music. Depending on what your unique challenges are to being in the moment will determine the solution, but don’t let a distraction turn into years of missed intimacy with your spouse.

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