474: OVERCOMING THE “NO”
“Explain your feelings instead of acting them out and you will find solutions instead of arguments.” —Anonymous
Rejection – you’re doing it and you may not even realize it. Most of the time it doesn’t even involve a verbal “no” – you avoid a topic, you come up with an excuse, you bury yourself in work. But when you reject your spouse just because you don’t want to put forth effort, your marriage suffers.
What if you tried this new restaurant? Checked out a local hike? Have dinner with these friends of mine? Change things up in the bedroom?
Human nature is to react, and we instinctively are selfish, and we want to stay in our comfort zone. We don’t want to try a new food, or new people, or push our physical limits. But shutting down, stonewalling, saying “no”, and dodging questions forces a wedge between husband and wife.
The point isn’t always to say “yes” – but to open up enough to create connection. Maybe instead of coming up with an excuse, try verbalize what’s really going on, perhaps:
- I need more romance first
- I’m not confident in my body
- I am struggling with this fear
- I’m really tired
- I could really use your help in this area
Starting with your feelings is vital. But it can’t stop there, you need to shift into team-mode where you seek a solution rather than dwelling on the problem.
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