“When we avoid challenging conversations we trade short term discomfort for long term dysfunction.” —Anonymous

Even after 11 years of doing the Intimacy Lifestyle, and talking about sex arguably more than anyone else, even we can struggle to have those tough conversations around sex. The reality is that sex is an incredibly intimate experience and this results in vulnerability and potential hurt.

Recently particular circumstances around sex, in particular how Alisa was connecting during sex, left Tony feeling frustrated about how to bring up changing things up.

Seems odd, right? But because there’s always more than the surface level, being able to share openly is important. Don’t buy the lie that talking about sex takes away from the spontaneity – knowing what your spouse likes enables you to make it more fun for both of you!

Imagine planning a vacation without knowing what your spouse likes — you’d be setting yourself up for disaster!

So how do you start? Just like training for a hike up Half Dome, you start small. Begin by sharing something positive. You can ask your spouse on or all of these questions.

  • What do you enjoy about our sexual intimacy?
  • Are we having sex as much as you would like to?
  • What are your favorite ways to be touched?
  • What helps you get in the mood the most?

If you want more like these, check out 19 Questions to Amazing Sex. Or come up with your own, either way your marriage is worth talking about sex.


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They feel like the most comfortable glove for your feet and every time they need a refresh, you can simply toss them in the washing machine.

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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