“Marriage is like home maintenance. When the smoke detector starts beeping you fix it. You don’t buy a new house.” —Amy Miller
“I need to fix our marriage, what about you???”
It’s easy to snap to the defensive when you hear an accusation such as “You need to fix our marriage”, and yet we want you to pause and reconsider for a moment.
This statement isn’t a space filler. It’s not spoken lightly. It isn’t an off-hand comment. It is typically the result of extended disappointment, anger, and frustration. Sure, it’s probably not said in a loving, respectful tone, and it definitely isn’t pleasurable to hear. It was probably delivered emotionally, without a lot of compassion or grace.
But here is another facet of it. It means your spouse still cares. Still cares about you – still cares about your marriage. And given enough neglect, this will not always be the case.
Eventually, they will give up. They will stop wanting to fix the marriage. They will emotionally check out.
So before you put up defensive (or offensive walls) about whatever the particular issue is, take a deep breath and evaluate the state of your marriage. Remember that it’s worth fighting for. See beyond your spouse’s emotional facade and to the man or woman that you promised your forever to. They want to work on your marriage, will you join them?
What might start off feeling one-sided, some issue that you need to “fix”, will probably result in a much broader team effort to transition your marital journey towards extraordinary. And you will not be disappointed.
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