“Are you lovers or just roommates?” —Anonymous

A sexless, or low-sex marriage is defined as a marriage where sex occurs less frequently than 12 times per yer. We all know honeymoon sex patterns don’t typically last 30 years in, but “sexless” isn’t a label many people want on their marriage.

Being in a sexless marriage can occur for all sorts of reasons.

There can be a difference in your sex drives. Maybe there are physical limitations or health conditions that create hurdles. You or your spouse are struggling with messages from your past that tell you sex is dirty or something to be ashamed of.

Has there been broken trust that hasn’t yet been rebuilt? Does one of you use sex as a weapon and try to manipulate your spouse by withholding it? Or is it’s as simple as a certain touch that you don’t like and avoidance is easier than working through it?

If any of these things have been going on for more than a week, we bet the underlying issue is that you aren’t conversing openly and honestly about sex. To overcome each of these barriers, you and your spouse need someone to be by your side. Consider Coaching with Alisa to gain insights and action steps during this season of your marriage.

Since 22% of you identify with being in a sexless marriage, then there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

No, the solution to a sexless marriage isn’t to just go have sex. In many cases taking on a sex challenge will be your off-ramp from sexual monotony, but when there are bigger issues at play, these need to be addressed and dealt with first.

Emotional intimacy precedes the best sex.

This is a topic that isn’t fun to talk about, so we see a lot of people putting it off, wishing it to be just a season that will change itself. But it won’t. Your spouse promised to love and cherish you all the days of your life, and you did the same for them. You both owe it to each other to talk about it and be at peace with your sexual connection.


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Other Resources:

7 Days of Sex Challenge: Rock Your Sex Life and Your Marriage

473: Roommate Syndrome

140: Scheduling Sex

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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