“True desire is expressed by action. Only action brings results.” —Anonymous

Desire is a beautiful thing.

It allows us to express ourselves, tell others what we need, and empowers us to make choices that feed our happiness. Desire is a form of invention in a relationship too. People and relationships can be re-invented by this powerful emotion by merely expressing it to one another.

Sometimes the idea of desire and the level of communication behind expressing it trips up couples. So many people in relationships have desires but don’t understand the difference between knowing and owning them. This can cause not only frustration within a relationship but feelings of inadequacy on both sides of a marriage. 

How exactly are you supposed to know your spouse wanted you to sneak into the shower for a quickie if they’ve never told them that you desired that? 

You may really want your spouse to plan a romantic getaway or make dinner once in a while. If you don’t communicate that desire, then your spouse is left in the dark. 

It’s impossible to fulfill a request if you don’t know what it is!  

Desires, no matter what they are, are clues to what makes us tick, what turns us on and what will help us connect even more with those around us. That’s why it’s so important to express them rather than suppress them. 

Learning how to speak your desires and embrace them is not only an incredibly empowering life skill but a way to create a new level of communication in your relationship with your spouse. One of the most powerful ways to build your marriage is to express what you want. 

Keep in mind that desire is a two way street in a marriage. If you wish to have your desires heard, then you also need to listen to those of your spouse. Marriage is a partnership, and that partnership only grows when you both can communicate with each other. 

If what your spouse desires is something you’re not comfortable with then this opens the door to building your communication. What would you be comfortable with? What are you willing to try?  

Maybe you struggle with expressing your desires, if so, then it’s time to give yourself permission to make your wants known and to get help in doing so. 

One of the biggest obstacles people experience is the fear that their desires won’t be heard or embraced. The trust you’ll build through expressing those desires is so powerful that once you do it, you’ll wonder why you hadn’t been doing it all along!


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Other Resources:

473: Roommate Syndrome

The Scientific Secret to Sexual Desire in a Marriage

Taking Charge of Your Fertility

Love Deeper Workshop

Love Language Profile for Couples

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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