Intimacy is more than just sex. But sexual intimacy remains a vital part of any marriage. If you and your spouse have 10 or fewer sexual encounters a year, your marriage may have become sexless. To ensure your marriage remains strong and lasting, you’ll have to address the cracks in your Sexual Intimacy Pillar


A lack of sexual intimacy is poison to your marriage. When there’s poison, you need an antidote—something to counteract the situation.

Keep in mind that sexual intimacy is not limited to intercourse; sexual intimacy also includes romance, initiation, and foreplay. When all of these elements are absent over an extended time, it weakens one of the foundational 6 Pillars of Intimacy® of your marriage. 

And a sexless marriage indicates an extreme disconnect between husband and wife.

Fortunately, there are five antidotes you can use to overcome disconnection and increase desire between you and your spouse. 

 5 Ways to Restore Sexual Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage

As you consider the following antidotes to a sexless marriage, remember that every relationship is different. What matters most is that you find a solution that works well for you and your spouse. You’ll likely need to give yourselves time to implement new strategies as you work to rebuild sexual intimacy.

If you don’t see immediate results, don’t give up. Your marriage and sexual intimacy are worth fighting for. To get personal help to improve your marriage, apply for marriage coaching today.

  1. Redefine Sexual Intimacy as a Couple

Sexual intimacy is more than a physical release. It connects the two of you in body, mind, and soul. There is an atmosphere of trust and vulnerability when your sexual intimacy is healthy. 

To restore your marriage, you may need to redefine how you view sexual intimacy as a couple.

It shouldn’t be something on your to-do list that you just want to check off. It shouldn’t be only about what one of you wants. Sexual intimacy is all about celebrating the connection between you two.

Sexual intimacy also isn’t limited to intercourse. Romance, initiation, and foreplay are all part of your sexual intimacy and deserve your attention. 

For some couples, sexual intercourse is painful or uncomfortable due to health issues, physical challenges, or other factors. However, you can protect your marriage from becoming sexless by prioritizing these other aspects of sexual intercourse, especially romance.

  1. Make Sex a Priority

One of the main reasons a marriage becomes sexless is that sex isn’t prioritized.

There will always be something pulling you away from your spouse. Whether it’s a busy schedule, work, kids, or something else, you can always find an excuse not to have sex. So it’s up to you to make it a priority. 

Prioritize sex by talking about it, being present during it, and making time for it. There’s a common fear that scheduling sex will take away the fun and excitement of spontaneity. But that’s a myth. Scheduling sex builds anticipation for both spouses and minimizes the potential for disappointment or frustration. 

You can get started with a tool like the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner, which guides you in creating a plan that works for your marriage in this current season.

  1. Try Something New

If you feel things have grown stale, it might be time to get out of your comfort zone. In fact, trying new things together can help you build emotional intimacy, too, because it encourages you to talk about what you like or dislike. Plus, getting creative with sex can help you break out of a rut or overcome the feeling that sex is a chore. 

Try having sex at a new time of day, whether in the morning, at lunchtime, before dinner, or even in the middle of the night. Switch up where you have sex and what positions you use. Order a new sex toy, lube, or piece of sex furniture.

Have patience as you incorporate a new position or product into your sexual intimacy. With open communication, experiment with what brings pleasure and excitement to both of you.  

  1. Revamp Your Romance

You cannot solve a lack of sexual intimacy just by having more sex. Sexual intimacy is all about the closeness and connection you feel as spouses. So focus on all areas of sexual intimacy, especially romance. 

Romance sets the stage for sexual intimacy. Whether it’s a special meal, a love letter, or a gentle touch, romance is powerful.

Knowing what makes your spouse feel loved and wanted is one of the first steps in bringing romance back to your marriage. Focus on deep, meaningful conversations to help you learn more about your spouse and find new ways to romance each other. 

  1. Address the Elephant in the Room

You don’t have to stay stuck in a sexless marriage. But nothing will change unless you talk about what’s going on between the two of you.

You need to have intentional conversations to get your marriage back on track.

To do this, meet with a trusted counselor or marriage coach. Share what’s going on in your marriage, and be ready to put in the work. Remember, you may need to address cracks in other areas of your marriage before your sexual intimacy can improve.

You’ll make the most progress if you’re both on board, but you can still do your part if you’re the only one ready to make changes. Romance your spouse, schedule sex, and incorporate new positions or products into your sex life.

By recognizing the importance of sexual intimacy and making plans to prioritize it, you can reconnect as spouses. As a result, you’ll find your sexual intimacy renewed.  

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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