After being married for a while, you might feel stumped about the best ways to initiate sex and keep things exciting.


It’s not uncommon to fall into routines, especially with your sexual intimacy. However, getting stuck doing the same things over and over can rob your marriage of the passion and sense of adventure you once had. This makes initiating sex in creative ways challenging. 

If this sounds like you, it’s time to rekindle the flame. Here are five creative and practical ways to initiate sex with your spouse. 

#1 Plan a Romantic Surprise

Romance is an important component of sexual intimacy. While there might be things you do regularly to romance your spouse, a romantic surprise can boost your emotional and sexual intimacy. 

For example, plan a romantic evening at home. If you have children, arrange for them to be with relatives or a babysitter. Order or prepare your spouse’s favorite meal, set the mood with music and candles, and wear something special. 

Throughout the night, surprise your spouse with small gestures that mean a lot to them. 

Perhaps they appreciate back massages or showering together. If there are tasks around the home that are causing them stress, complete those things in advance so they can relax all evening. 

When the time is right, be the one to initiate sexual intercourse with a passionate kiss or a sensual touch. 

A romantic surprise could be as simple as a couple of hours one evening when the house is quiet. Or you could plan a whole romantic getaway out of town. 

Either way, planning a surprise shows you care about your spouse and allows you to focus on your sexual intimacy together. 

#2 Purchase a New Product to Use Together

Sex furniture and toys can help add thrill to your sexual intimacy. 

One way to initiate sex with your spouse is by looking through a collection of sexy adult products together and purchasing a new sex toy, pillow, wedge, or game that looks exciting for both of you. You might even find that shopping for a sexy item increases desire for each other and leads to sexual intercourse. 

After completing your purchase, make sure you each know when your new product is scheduled to arrive. This helps build anticipation. Being aware of the arrival date also helps you keep your calendar free of any other responsibilities. 

When your new item arrives, take the time to try it out together. 

For instance, if you purchase a sex pillow or wedge, try multiple sex positions with the furniture item in different places. If you buy a sexy board game, make sure you each take turns and follow the instructions on the cards. 

The experience of choosing something new to purchase and testing it out together can deepen your emotional, financial, and sexual intimacy all at once. 

#3 Plan a Meaningful Date

It’s easy to fall into routines over time, so you have to be intentional about shaking things up. One of the best ways to do this is by planning unique and interesting date nights that lead to sexual intimacy. 

Compile a list of dates that are meaningful to your spouse where you can engage multiple pillars of intimacy. 

For instance, dance lessons can incorporate your emotional and physical intimacy at the same time. The physical closeness and romance of looking into each other’s eyes as you dance can be its own form of foreplay.  

Plan a night out on the town where you dress up in something nice for each other. Stare longingly into your spouse’s eyes throughout the night and hold their hand as you walk down the street. 

Alternatively, there are plenty of at-home dates where you can flirt with each other. Cooking together, doing a spa night, or playing a sexy game can bring back the seduction and romance you once had. 

Communicate your expectations with each other that this date will culminate in sexual intercourse. Or you could even plan to have sex before heading out on your date. 

Regardless, combining recreational and sexual intimacy is a great way to initiate sex. 

#4 Send Love Letters and Seductive Messages

Emotional intimacy is the workhorse of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, and putting your feelings in writing can be a great way to strengthen this pillar and all the rest. As a result, you and your spouse can feel more close and connected (in other words, intimate). 

Start by sending your spouse a daily love message, whether in a text or on a scrap of paper.


It doesn’t have to be long-winded. Write down what you love about your spouse and express your appreciation for them. 

In addition to love letters, begin sharing sexy messages with your spouse. Tell them what you love most about their body. Describe how your sexual intimacy makes you feel. Create a list of new things you want to try with them in the bedroom. 

Love letters help strengthen the foundation of your marriage. Sexy messages can build excitement and anticipation for your next sexual encounter. Combining these two actions is a great way to initiate sex with your spouse. 

#5 Engage in Sensual Touch

Finally, a creative way to initiate sex is by engaging your spouse’s senses. Consider all five senses: touch, taste, sight, smell, and sound. 

You can initiate sexual intercourse by engaging all the senses at once, or you can focus on one at a time. 

For example, you can engage your spouse’s sense of touch with lingering touches or kisses across their body. You can engage their sense of smell with a new candle or a scented lotion. 

Sensory deprivation is a creative way to engage the senses, too. You might wish to incorporate a blindfold and use sensory stimuli, such as feathers or ice cubes, to explore your spouse’s body. 

Overall, sensual touch can be a great way to experience connection as husband and wife and initiate the pleasure of sexual intimacy. 

Initiating Sex Within the Intimacy Lifestyle

For many, if sex is left to chance, it often sits at the end of the to-do list, just rolling over to the next day or the next. But is it possible to schedule and prioritize sexual intimacy without it feeling like a chore? Absolutely! 

The Intimacy Lifestyle is a way of defining what intimacyspecifically physical and sexual intimacyis going to look like in your marriage.

With the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner, you can have the framework to set up your own schedule that will benefit you and your spouse. With the ideas from this article, you are well on your way to initiating sex creatively as you follow the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner. 

Being intentional about your sexual intimacy will change the way you show up in your marriage. Don’t wait to make your intimacy a priority. Get your copy of the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner today.

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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