5 Signs Friendship Has Faded in Your Marriage (and How to Get It Back!)

Are you best friends with your spouse? Many couples swear that friendship is the best foundation for marriage. It comes naturally in the early days of any relationship. You spend time together, getting to know each other. All that intentionality leads to a beautiful blend of friendship and desire.

Then, a decade (or two or three) pass, and it can feel like your spouse is a complete stranger.

Sure, you might have raised a family or supported each other’s careers, but when you look at your spouse, you’re not sure you know them anymore, let alone like them.

If that sounds familiar, it’s time to get back to the roots of a thriving marriage: friendship.

5 Signs You Need More Friendship in Your Marriage

Without maintaining a friendship with your spouse, it’s all too easy to slip into “roommate syndrome” and lose out on some of the best aspects of marriage. Here are some common signs that your marriage may need more friendship:

1. Your conversations are all about logistics: Schedules, kids, chores… You’re more like business partners strategizing operations than two loving friends building a life together.
2. Laughter is missing:  You can’t remember the last time you shared a genuine laugh or enjoyed each other’s sense of humor.
3. It feels like you’re living separate lives: Best friends do things together. If you and your spouse spend all of your free time apart, your friendship could probably use a boost.
4. Lack of curiosity about your spouse: Have you stopped asking each other about your thoughts, dreams, or feelings?
5. Sex is just another “to-do”: Sexual intimacy sets your marriage apart from every other relationship. If it feels more like a duty than a gift, there’s work to be done in your Sexual Intimacy Pillar.

If any of these resonate, don’t panic. The good news is that you can intentionally rebuild the friendship in your marriage with small, daily habits that create connection and closeness (in other words, intimacy).

10 Habits to Nurture Friendship in Marriage

The friendship the two of you share is unlike any other friendship you will ever have. You deserve to experience joy, passion, and vulnerability in each of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. To make that happen, try incorporating these habits into your daily life:

• Morning Check-In: Spend a few minutes connecting each morning, ideally while you’re cuddled up in bed.
• Compliment Each Other: Make it a point to share one thing you admire about your spouse every day.
• Ask Thoughtful Questions: Go beyond surface-level questions. Start with these 28 romantic conversation starters.
• Send a Sweet (or Sexy) Text: Let your spouse know you’re thinking of them when you are apart.
• Date Each Other: Put your marriage on the calendar and plan frequent dates for just the two of you.
• Laugh Together: Watch a funny video, tell a joke, or reminisce about a hilarious memory.
• Practice Active Listening: When your spouse talks, put down your phone, make eye contact, and truly listen.
• Be Physically Affectionate: Share non-sexual touches, such as a hug, a long kiss, or holding hands.
• Wind Down Together: Use your bedtime routine to reconnect, whether it’s talking, praying, cuddling, or something else.
• Say “Thank You” Daily: Acknowledge and appreciate the little things your spouse does.

Get the Spark of Friendship Back

There’s an anonymous quote that says, “The best relationship is when your spouse is not only your lover but your best friend too.”

It can be painful when the friendship fades from your marriage. If you’re ready to get personal help to restore your friendship, apply for marriage coaching today. 

You deserve to laugh together, dream together, and genuinely enjoy your spouse’s company. Focus on the small steps you can take each day to invest in your friendship and create the extraordinary marriage you desire.