You can’t put a price on the pain that “split holidays” with kids causes, how it feels to move out of your home, or watching your spouse date new people.
Divorces cost more than money.
There are many “silent” costs of divorce that you’ll have to pay if you resolve your marriage. Please consider these, and recognize that love is one of the most challenging things to fight for but ALWAYS worth it.
We seem to have the same fights over and over.
Repeating the same fights over and over is a sign that your communication needs new strategies.
We know that as partners, we NEED to communicate… the problem is no one ever taught us easy and practical ways to do so.
If it’s feel like you’re on the battlefield against each other instead of with each other, it’s a sign your communication needs work.
Next time conversation get’s tough and things feel heated, try this:
- When bickering has escalated, say “Palms Up.” Right then and there, both partners stop talking and make this simple movement. Open your hands and place them palms up.
- When this happens, it breaks the tension in the room, changes your body language and helps you drop your defenses a bit.
- We then look at at our hands, knowing we’ve went a little overboard, look each in the eyes and say “I Love You.”
Using “Palms Up” defuses the situation, opens both partners up, and subtly alters the conversation.
This will give you a chance to gather your thoughts, let the tension cool of and most importantly focus on what’s important — EACH OTHER.
Try this simple technique in the heat of the moment to shift your conversations in mere minutes.
We’ve tried fixing things on our own and it hasn’t worked.
You are not alone! There can be many reasons why “doing on it your own” hasn’t worked.
Some of those reasons may include….
- You may be focused only on what your spouse needs to change (hint: an extraordinary marriage must start with YOU)
- You know you need help but aren’t sure of practical ways to make improvement in your marriage every day
- Without accountability to keep moving forward on improving your marriage (even if one strategy doesn’t seem to work)… you get discouraged or overwhelmed and fall back into old patterns.
If your marriage is struggling you may need a neutral third party who can see your blind spots. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Why do you think even the most accomplished athletes, actors, singers, CEOs, and entrepreneurs still need the guidance of an experienced coach?
Because we can’t do it alone. None of us can.
(Keep reading if you feel this may be the kind of support your marriage is missing…)
We don’t know how to talk to each other anymore.
In the beginning of your relationship it may have felt easier to talk to one another, about anything and everything.
Over the years, as we grow closer communication can ironically feel harder. Hurts and disappointments stack up and the busyness of life makes it easy to put communicating on the back burner.
It’s time to get back to the basics, to commit to learning who your spouse is NOW.
If you’re ready to talk about the things that really matter in your marriage, consider swapping out your rehearsed “how was your day?” prompt with one of these open ended questions:
- What can I do to communicate my love and appreciation to you?
- What activities did we do together, before we got married (or had kids), that you would like to do again?
- If there were no limitations where do you see yourself in 5 years? Our marriage?
Great conversations only need to start with one spouse, YOU.
Take the lead to kickstart meaningful communication with your spouse TODAY.
Our bedroom feels like a ghost town (aka: we hardly ever have sex)
Touch is critical to maintaining connection and the bonds in your marriage.
Physical connection (or the lack of it) is like a throwing a stone in a pond — the effects ripple outward to bring a sense of closeness in all other areas of your marriage.
A lack of sex is not a cause of marital dissatisfaction but often a symptom of other problems.
Some of those challenges include:
- Jam-packed schedules (so you’re too exhausted at the end of the day)
- Addiction (specifically pornography)
- Rejection (one spouse often initiates while another often rejects)
If your sheets have tumbleweeds blowing through them, you need to put your marriage and intimacy first again.
One of our favorite ways to kickstart intimacy again is to issue ourselves a 7 Days Of Sex Challenge.
One (or both partners) have thought about or mentioned the “D” word…
If you have thought about separation or divorce, the time to action is NOW.
It’s much easier to work on the marriage before papers have been served or/and you’re still sharing the same address.
Here are a few key signals divorce may be on the table:
- You know that things have been “off” for sometime now.
- You’ve been hoping that they would change on their own…but little has (you may have even moved backwards in your marriage….)
- You hoped that if you gave the situation “enough time”, things would fall back into place naturally.
If you hear yourself saying any of these five things, you need to take action IMMEDIATELY.
You can’t keep doing the same thing in your marriage and expecting new results. You need new tools and strategies right away to save your marriage.
What to do next…
If you checked MORE THAN ONE of these, your marriage may need some heavy lifting done. We recommend you hire a coach. A coach will give you SPECIFIC and PRACTICAL actions you can take right away to stop divorce.
If you just marked ONE of these elements, coaching may still be a great fit for you if you are serious about making progress in your marriage right now.