If you’ve been married for any length of time you know that words can and do have an impact on you, your spouse, and your sexual intimacy.

There are certain things you can do, such as, speak encouraging words or initiate sex that will keep the sexual desires alive and burning.

On the other end of the spectrum there are statements that you may say which bring your sexual connection to an immediate halt.

These statements may have been bantered back and forth so often that you forget the impact they even have.

Below we share five statements that damage your sexual connection.

Not tonight

This may be a harmless brush off and yet if it’s said time and time again your spouse may begin to think that there is something wrong with them or something more important then them.

When Tony was deep into his pornography addiction this was a statement that was used often. It was said because he was getting up shortly after going to bed to look at porn on our computer. “Not tonight” impacted our sexual connection for many years.

Not right now

Honestly you cannot have sex all day and night but if you keep saying to your spouse ‘not right now’, then you are simply saying that you are not interested in them.

The way that we and many other in the ONE Family have been able to overcome this is by implementing the Intimacy Lifestyle.

I’m really busy

It’s a convenient response as there are so many things that are more important than your spouse. Not really.

We know because this statement has been said to one another more times than we would like to admit.

This statement used when you are looking at your phone, tablet or the TV means that you really are not busy.

You’re using “I’m really busy” to blow off your spouse.

I have one more thing I have to do

You can always do one more thing. With work, businesses, kids, volunteer activities, and more each of us have one more thing.

How about doing it after you have been sexually intimacy with your spouse?

Just something to think about before you say this statement again.

I already made plans

If you have made legitimate plans that’s one thing, but if these plans are not legitimate what are you telling your spouse.

You’re saying, “even though I made a commitment to you and our marriage something else is taking my time.”

Each one of these statements says to your spouse that they are not important. These statements say…

  • I would rather do something else.
  • I would rather be somewhere else.
  • I would rather be with someone else.

These statements repeated over and over to your spouse will lead them to look to something else, someone else or to go somewhere else for the sexual connection they are missing from you.

Rejection can cause the same reaction in the body as physical injury, what happens when your spouse is repeatedly rejected, or what happens when your spouse is repeatedly hurt?

  • Distance builds up.
  • Walls builds up.
  • Less engagement.
  • Less connection.
  • No more trying.

For example, in the sales training world you are taught that you have to ask seven to twelve times to get a yes. Be it for a meeting, a presentation or the sale.

Your marriages may not get seven to twelve more asks. Your spouse has been asking you to be sexually intimate and they’re getting tired of being rejected. Or it may be the other way around in your marriage.

Marriage needs to be a place where you both say “yes” to each other more than you say “no”.

Although we’re talking about sexual connection, these statement can have an impact on all areas of your marriage.

These statements impact your conversations, time spent together, and your financially connection.

It’s time to create an environment where the two of you ARE connecting sexually.

A place where the two of you are aware of what is going on. Where you seek to comfort one another. Where you seek to be each other’s rock. Where you choose the other over other people.

When your spouse feels valued, when they feel desired, when they have a sexual connection with you it opens up your marriage to experience growth, grace, and love.

Take time to think about when you say these statements and make it a point to change your language to uplift your spouse and your marriage.

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