502: FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT SEX

“Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.” Anonymous

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When it comes to married couples communicating about their sex life it can be difficult to get started talking about it. 

This is because conversations about sex are not normalized. So many of us feel uncomfortable or maybe even worried that our spouse might not understand what we are talking about. 

This has created a situation where so many couples feel disconnected and really don’t know where to find the information they need to build stronger communication regarding their sexual relationship. 

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Sometimes we make assumptions that because our spouse loves us, they should know and anticipate everything we want and need. We are often taught that we need to allude to our desires and not state exactly what they are, but that’s not true! 

Just because you’ve chosen this person to spend your life with does not mean that you immediately know everything about you or can anticipate everything you need. 

When this happens, many couples find themselves in a situation where the conversations about sex become less constructive and filled more with assumptions. You may feel like your spouse doesn’t want to talk about sex with you or doesn’t care enough to talk about sex. 

The #1 thing that the ONE family said that is so difficult about talking about sex was that they did not want to offend or hurt their spouses feelings. However, holding back those types of very intimate conversations can easily put up walls within your marriage. 

Getting to the point where we can consistently have these types of comfortable conversations around sex will always be a work in progress. It does not matter if you’ve been together for 2 months or 40 years, it’s always going to be a place where you continue to grow, evolve and connect as a couple. 

It is more than okay for husbands and wives to talk about sex.

Don’t ever forget that. It’s something that you should be talking about. As you discuss sex as a couple remember that sometimes, it’s the inner voice that can get the best of you. Stop the chatter in your head that tells you that you “can’t” or don’t need to have these conversations in your marriage. 

Why?

Because it’s the only way to know what is going on in your spouse’s head!

  • You can’t address a fantasy or a lack of desire by wishing and hoping.
  • You can’t try new positions if you never talk about what you are doing OR not doing in the bedroom.
  • You can’t have a strategy for communicating what feels good and what doesn’t if you don’t talk about it.
  • You can’t expect your partner to initiate more if you never initiate it.

If you are having difficulty having those conversations then it’s okay to seek help or support from a marriage coach or counselor. No matter what’s holding you back, you need to take action. 

You can’t sit back and “hope” for your sex life to get better. Don’t blame your kids. Don’t blame your baggage. You need to take action and discuss what your vision for your marriage is now.

The desire to be sexually intimate with your spouse doesn’t go away, it also can’t be ignored or suppressed because like everything else we ignore eventually it needs to be addressed or it can impact other areas of our lives.

It’s important to create a place in your marriage to discuss this.

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Other Resources:

19 Questions to Amazing Sex

Sound+Sleep Machine

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Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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