“Sex is an art form not a chore.” —Anonymous

For just a minute, think back to those “we can’t keep our hands off of each other” early days of your marriage. The sex back then might have been filled with sexual desire, tons of energy, and a connection that made you want more and more. 

There was a feeling of excitement about what it would be like and how wonderful it would feel. It created expectations and teased at the things to come in your marriage. 

Now think of your marriage at this moment. Do you still have that hot and heavy spark?

It turns out that 77% of those who responded to a recent Instagram story poll said that they have at least thought about having sex out of duty or obligation.

That means, “duty sex” is a real thing.

Do you feel like sex with your spouse has become a chore? Do you feel like you’ve moved into a place where you are not enjoying sex but feel obligated to be intimate with your spouse? 

If so you need to take a look at why this is happening in your relationship. Then you need to decide what the two of you can do about it.

There may be times when you don’t feel like having sex and yet if that’s the season you’re living in all the time, something needs to change.

If you are feeling like you are in a season of “have to” rather than “want to” it’s time to figure out what’s keeping you in this place of obligation so you can move beyond it. Not wanting to have sex is a symptom of something bigger going on. 

If you are feeling obligated to have sex, you may be holding on to feelings of: 

  • Unexplored “hurt” the two of you have not discussed
  • Feeling disconnected
  • Not knowing when to have sex (day/time, how to when kids are around)
  • Fear of your spouse cheating 

Being in the moment is important. You shouldn’t be trying to put on a happy face and powering through. If you’re not into it, your spouse knows you aren’t into it. Stop pretending and get honest about what’s really going on. 

It makes you stronger as a couple and more confident as an individual. Sex is not something you have to do in a marriage it should be something that you want to do. If you are struggling in this area, then you need to get help

Clear the burdens and find your way back to those “can’t keep your hands off each other” moments of being a couple. When you do, sex out of obligation will become a thing of the past.


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Other Resources:

Intimacy Lifestyle Planner

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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