522: LOVE LANGUAGE
“We assume that others show love in the same way that we do and if they don’t we worry the love isn’t there.” —Anonymous
Have you ever heard of the love languages?
You may have heard of the book written by Dr. Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages, but maybe you haven’t read it yet. According to Dr. Chapman, your love language is the primary way that you express and experience love.
The 5 Love Languages are:
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Gifts
What Dr. Chapman found is that each person has their idea or version of what each of these love languages not only looks like to them, but should be like for them in their marriage.
One of the biggest challenges that couples face is that they often do not share the same love language. The struggle in a marriage can come when the two of you don’t speak the same language and don’t know how to love your spouse in their language. There are times when it can feel like one of you is speaking Chinese and the other is speaking Spanish-you can’t understand one another and yet you desperately want to be understood.
Stop for a minute and ask yourself this:
“Is loving your spouse supposed to be about what makes you feel loved or about what makes them feel loved?”
You also may need to ask yourself:
“Is this based on what’s easy for you OR about what speaks to your spouse’s heart?”
It’s hard to speak a language that does not come naturally to you or know what specific actions are going to speak to your spouse’s heart. You need to love your spouse in their language, not yours. When you love them in their language they feel seen AND valued.
When you know how to express love to your spouse in a language they understand, you’ll find that it’s easier to communicate in other areas too. You’ll also find that you can give and receive love in more meaningful ways.
You need to find what specific actions speak to your spouse’s heart.
Ask this simple question: “How can I love you in a way that speaks to your heart?” Ask for 2 or 3 concrete examples and then do those things. Will it feel awkward at first? Maybe. Will you have to think about it? Probably.
Will it make a difference in your marriage? YES!
You promised to love and honor your spouse. One of the key ways to do this is to love them in the way that they RECEIVE love, not the way that you WANT to give it.
EPISODE SPONSOR | The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage
Is it really possible to rekindle the spark and restore the “like-new” connection in your marriage?
In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.
Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!
Other Resources:
Now Available On-Demand 'I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You' Masterclass
Is It Time to Consider Marriage Coaching? Watch the Marriage Coaching Case Study
Support ONE Extraordinary Marriage by shopping at Amazon.com
Leave a review on iTunes | Submit a question | Call (858)876-5663
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, we will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, we only recommend products or services we use personally and believe will add value to our readers. We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Medical Disclaimer: The content of this article & website is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider.