“Often when you are rejected you think that you are not good enough. The truth is that they weren’t ready for all you have to offer.” Anonymous

Rejection in marriage is one of those sticky areas that no one likes to talk about. The subject is uncomfortable but we need to change that because 77% of the ONE family feels like they have been rejected by their spouse at one time or another. 

That’s a significant number of people that have felt the pain of rejection. Many times rejection in marriage can start small and may not seem like anything big but it can then quickly grow into a whole dark cloud in your relationship.

Rejection can manifest in many ways. It can start with a quick “not tonight, honey” or a burst of anger in response to a tough conversation that you just don’t want to have. It can also come in the form of a direct “NO” with no explanation of the reasons why. 

No matter how it manifests in your marriage, rejection hurts.

Research shows that it can have the same impact on the body as being hit. That means it’s something that causes both physical and emotional pain to you or your spouse. 

We think we’re just saying no to whatever it is happening at the moment but the truth is your spouse does not always receive it that way. Being rejected comes with feelings like being unseen, unworthy or unvalued and directly affects their self-esteem and self-confidence. 

Rejection affects you at your core. When it comes from the person that is supposed to love you unconditionally, it often seems to hurt a little bit more and can cause you or your spouse to: 

  • Withdraw
  • Shutdown
  • Avoid
  • Disconnect
  • Disengage

The thing with rejection is that it doesn’t just impact you at that moment when it happens but it carries over to other areas of your relationship like communication, sexual intimacy and time spent together. 

So what should you do? 

To begin with, you’ve got to own it. Go on a walk and talk. Ask your spouse to listen without judgment while you express how you’ve been feeling. 

Come to the table with solutions not complaints about your spouse. It’s so easy to point fingers or to make excuses but don’t let yourself do that. You’re there to solve problems not create more. 

It’s an uncomfortable subject and yet it’s one you shouldn’t avoid. Your marriage can only be as healthy as the two of you are healthy. 

When you’re honest about the impact rejection is having on you and your marriage you will grow stronger together.

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Other Resources:

506: Marriage Is A Team Sport

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Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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