“Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship.” —Sue Johnson
Learning to talk about sex as a newlyweds is a skill. It doesn’t matter what your sexual experience is or isn’t, this is one of the most important topics that the two of you will be talking about for the rest of your lives.
For many newlyweds, the outside world has influenced your expectations and so have those around you.
You may find yourself thinking that sex doesn’t look that difficult in movies or on TV shows so how hard can it be to figure out?
Let’s not forget about those messages about sex from church or your parents. These might impact your feelings and expectations.
Many newlyweds start their marriage with expectations of “we’ll have sex every day” or “we will NEVER have any issues sexually because we love each other.”
Then, life happens and the glow of the honeymoon ends. You start to wonder what exactly happened. This is common for many newlywed couples. Some of the challenges that we hear are:
- There’s a disconnect between our emotional intimacy and our sexual intimacy.
- I don’t know how to initiate.
- We have differences in desire that I didn’t expect.
- I struggle to get in the mood.
- I thought it would be easier to turn my spouse on.
The beauty of getting through this season is knowing it’s all about communication.
It’s interesting that as an engaged couple you made so many plans about your wedding, including the custom wedding hashtag. Now that the excitement and energy of the wedding is over, many couples realize that they never truly discussed their sexual intimacy and expectations around it.
It’s now time to have that discussion around your sexual intimacy. Sex looks different for every marriage. You need to have the conversations about what you both want this to look like in your marriage.
This is an opportunity to build intimacy from the start of your marriage and create a solid foundation for your sexual intimacy. Recognizing you need to do this is the first step.
You have to put in the effort if you want to make it extraordinary and continue to build intimacy as a couple. It’s a time for you to have fun exploring each other and connecting on a whole new level as a couple.
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