“Expectations can be premeditated resentments.” —Anonymous
If you loved me you would…
Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking that when it comes to your spouse? When you get married it’s easy to assume that your spouse has ESP and that they will be able to read your mind.
Sometimes you may find yourself frustrated because things don’t happen as you think they should. You may expect that your spouse will just “know” what you need because you need it. After all, they love you, so why don’t they just know what you need?
You may find that it has nothing to do with love or being loved but everything to do with how you are communicating what you need. It’s difficult for your spouse to know what you want if you don’t know what you want.
You wish your spouse would clean up the kitchen after dinner and yet have you ever said that out loud?
It’s common for one spouse to say, “I want you to do this because if you loved me you would”. Where you may fail in having these desires met is in sharing what that looks like for you.
This lack of communication can show up in all areas of your life. Anything from household chores to what you want when the two of you are in bed together.
“If you loved me you would” is a symptom of a gap in your marriage. It’s the gap between what you need or expect and what your spouse is doing. This phrase usually comes as a result of feeling unheard, unloved or unvalued. If left undealt with, these potentially damaging feelings can develop into much bigger challenges which may need outside help to be resolved.
And yet, you continue to believe Hollywood and fairy tales. Hollywood relationships work because they are written in a script. There are no “unknowns” because the actions you see are planned and that doesn’t happen in real life.
We need to shift into a space where you are working to set your marriage up for success. Maybe you haven’t dared to tell your spouse what you want. You can only set yourself up for success when you express what you need and want from them.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married! What matters is how well you continue to grow and deepen that bond together as a couple.
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