“You’re not learning anything unless you are having the difficult conversations.” —Gwyneth Paltrow

Kids change everything in a marriage. 

It doesn’t matter if you gave birth to your kids or adopted them sex after kids changes. It’s normal to feel that your sex life after kids was worse than before kids came along. 

When kids are very young, it can be hard to even find time to have sex. Or, to be engaged sexually when their needs are so distracting. It can feel like “mom brain” won’t ever stop.  

Switching from parent to lover can be hard and the exhaustion associated with parenting is a REAL thing. 

Frequency also changes. You can’t be as spontaneous as you were before kids. Intentionality takes on a whole new meaning when there are other humans around. 

Yet there are still two adults that need that physical connection to feel important, to feel loved and to feel valued.

Sexual intimacy is a way for couples to find a connection. It’s a time for you to feel important and valued. It’s a time when you don’t have to be mom and dad but man and woman. However, there are many things that aren’t being said when it comes to sex after kids. 

A woman’s body changes so much after baby. These changes can make the idea of having sex difficult for women. However, so many men find their wives more attractive after baby.  

Women particularly have a hard time switching gears from parent to lover. She can be burdened with feelings of guilt, overwhelm, and even depression. Any of these can make sexual intimacy challenging.

Men also struggle after kids. The focus shifts from the couple to the child. Men miss the connection with their wives. They long for the physical connection that has been transferred to the children. They miss the spontaneity and the focus of life before kids. 

There are so many areas where sexual intimacy can shift after having kids. Schedule a time for a walk and talk, a cuddle and convo, or a sip and say. Come to your spouse not just with the challenge but with a solution or two. 

Kids do change things but they also can bring you together like never before. It’s easy to be a complainer instead of a problem solver. The EXTRAORDINARY happens when you choose to solve the problems.

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Other Resources:

488: Kegel to Better Sex

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Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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