“When “I” is replaced with “WE” even Illness becomes Wellness.” —Anonymous

As much as we try to control it, life is pretty unpredictable. 

Illness happens. Accidents happen. Our bodies do not always work the way that we want them to. You can be the healthiest person in the world and then something happens that sends your health into chaos.

Your illness does not only impact you, but it also takes a toll on everything in your life. Kids, family, chores, work- everything and especially your marriage. 

Within the ONE family couples have dealt with everything from mental health issues to cancers to childbirth complications to heart issues and more.

Even illnesses like the flu or elective surgeries can throw your marriage out of whack.

Health issues can result in life changes like being separated from your family (be it in the hospital or on the couch) or the inability to connect as you used too. Plus the emotions tied to illness including fear, guilt, depression, and worry can leave you feeling emotionally disconnected. 

While these things can keep one or both of you from having sex (or wanting to) you still need to know what your spouse is thinking and what action steps you can take.

By finding the right words, you can continue to not only support your spouse but acknowledge those feelings on both sides. 

Here are a few of the ways ONE family has said they used words to work through this season: 

  • I see that you are trying
  • This doesn’t define you or us
  • Thank you for being flexible with what we can do
  • I’m not that fragile
  • I’m not going anywhere
  • I still want you/need you, even if it’s not sex, even if my body won’t respond
  • I need you to communicate what is going on
  • You are amazing
  • We are still a team

Don’t forget that intimacy goes beyond physical touch. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t do. You can also let your spouse know that you still want them and desire them. 

Communication is crucial because you both need to share how you’re feeling. You also need to share what’s working and what’s not working for you. Even if you’re not having physical sex, exploring ways to be intimate and supportive are important. 

The two of you are a team. While the illness may be in your body only, wellness within your marriage comes as a result of the two of you facing this together.

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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