“Vulnerability is the only bridge to build connections.” —Anonymous

her orgasm

When it comes to a husband giving his wife an orgasm, there are a number of emotions attached to this act. Being able to experience this moment with his wife is very important to him. When it doesn’t happen, husbands tend not to feel very good about themselves.

For the most part, men may have feelings of inadequacy, frustration, incompetence and even failure if they can’t get their wife there. Men feel as if they’ve failed the women they love if the Big “O” doesn’t happen for her. 

That’s why as a married couple, having conversations about her orgasm is so important. It is not solely his responsibility to figure out what works and what doesn’t. You may not even realize just how critical this conversation is to both of you feeling satisfied when you have sex.

It’s time to talk orgasms in your marriage.

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BUT… don’t do it in your bedroom.

That’s right, the bedroom is not the place to talk about sex. There is way too much emotional energy wrapped up in this topic to have a conversation like this in that space. Instead, talk about it outside the bedroom and then retreat to the bedroom to put your new-found information into action.

If you’re wondering how you can bring this up, it might be helpful to learn a little bit of the basics.

To get the conversation started, most wives want their husbands to know that clitoral stimulation matters.

Yes, you cannot just have sex and expect her to get there. She needs more to make it happen.

In case you’re not up on your biology, according to scientists, “the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings compared to the 4000 in the penis.” That means to achieve an orgasm, you must give that area some attention.

With only around 25% of women achieving orgasm through vaginal penetration, women need more than just sex to get there. Direct stimulation to the body has to happen for just about every woman to get her to the point of orgasm. And for most, the clitoris needs to be on that list.

For some women, it’s about penetration, for others nipple stimulation, or even the use of toys. What’s important is husbands ask their wife what feels good. Wives you need to share what works when he does ask. 

Let’s create marriages where questions like this can be asked and answered. Husbands shouldn’t be afraid to ask. Wives, you shouldn’t be afraid to answer. Ladies, please understand that for your husband there is a sense of pride in being able to please you in this way. Don’t be afraid to communicate that you need to try something different.

When you get to the point where you are talking about what you need you quickly realize you can get to a place where you can have breakthroughs around her orgasm.

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Other Resources:

443: Honest Truth About the Female Orgasm

388: Should an Orgasm be the Ultimate Goal

64: O Yes, That’s the Spot

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Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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