“Rebuilding trust when it has been broken is not dependent only on the person who has broken the trust.” —Doe Zantamanta

rebuilding trust

Trust is a funny thing. We don’t realize how much we need it until we don’t have it. Once lost in your marriage, it can be especially painful. You may in fact, no longer have the firm belief in the strength of your spouse or marriage. 

That’s why when trust is broken, you need to address rebuilding trust with your spouse and what that looks like for both of you.

First, let’s define what trust is:

Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

Because trust often affects core values, when it is broken in your marriage you no longer have the firm belief in the reliability, truth, or strength of your spouse or marriage.

This can leave you questioning many aspects of your marriage. 

Trust can be broken in many different ways, but even the smallest break in trust can feel huge. From physical affairs to being an absentee parent, trust can be lost in a variety of ways. 

What’s not a “big deal” to you may be huge to your spouse. So dismissing something small can have an impact on your marriage too. 

Making changes and rebuilding trust can happen but it needs to start with the person in the mirror. This means having an honest conversation with yourself about what you need, and what you need to apologize for. 

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You may also need to evaluate if you’re holding things against your spouse that you simply need to forgive so you can both move on. Journaling is a great way to get started in the process. 

When you journal, remember that you’re not publishing a book, you are simply putting your thoughts out there so you can organize them. No one else has to read it. This is for you. 

If you both are feeling as if you’ve lost trust in each other, then maybe it’s time to choose another path and move forward together. 

Although it can be tricky and even scary to do this type of work with your spouse, you may need to start coaching with Alisa

If you have found that things are your fault, then you need to own the mistakes you’ve made. This may mean putting your ego aside for the sake of your marriage. 

It can be hard to say “I’m sorry” and because rebuilding trust takes time, you may have to say it more than once. 

Broken trust will not be rebuilt overnight. You won’t wake up the morning after to find everything is back the way it was before. And yet, taking one step at a time will allow for the two of you to rebuild trust between one another.

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