“The easiest thing to do is to react. The second easiest thing to do is to respond. The hardest thing to do is initiate.” —Anonymous

initiating sex

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what keeps you from initiating sex in your marriage?

Depending on who you ask, there can be a lot of reasons why initiating seems so difficult. Maybe you’re frustrated that you are always the one who initiates. Maybe you just feel too tired or distracted to get things going. Or maybe you don’t realize that you are not initiating sex.

When you got married, you had a vision of what your marriage would look like. You also had an idea of what your sex life would be like. If things are not adding up to help you reach those ideals, you need to have a discussion around initiating sex.

As you go through the seasons of your marriage, you might not be having sex and not be sure of the reasons why it’s not happening.

It may come down to not only who, but how you are initiating sex. If initiating is tricky, then it’s time to take a step back and problem-solve the reason why. 

Why is it so important? It’s because initiating sex is an expression of desire. When it’s not happening, there can be opportunities for feelings of rejection, loneliness, frustration, and sadness to begin to pop up. 

Sex, and the intimacy that is created when you have it, is an important part of your marriage. 

If you’re saying “no” or “not tonight” or “I’m not in the mood” over and over again, you could be robbing your spouse of their self-confidence. They are trying but you’re not opening yourself up to it. 

When you initiate, it’s a statement to your spouse that you want to be with them. It also lets them know that being intimate with them is important to you. You want them. You need them. 

That’s because, at our core, we all want to be desired.

Initiating sex is the responsibility of both spouses. You both share responsibility for the success of your marriage. This is one part of what helps to make your marriage extraordinary. 

So step up and initiate! Start making sexual intimacy an important part of your marriage.

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Other Resources:

Discover the Top 10 Ways To Initiate Sex With Your Spouse

432: The End of Rejection

524: When Rejection Happens

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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