“Sometimes I wish that you were able to read my mind so that I wouldn’t have to explain myself.” —Anonymous

i wish you would

Conflict is a part of marriage. For some, it happens multiple times a week. For others, it’s over big issues.

You may be fighting about money, kids, your in-laws, sex, and all the other things you deal with every day in life. 

Marriage is such a unique relationship. This person you’ve married is different than you are. They see you in good times and bad. They will see you with no makeup on or when you’re sick or exhausted. When life has handed you your worst defeats and your greatest victories.

This person you’ve married knows you better than anyone. This means that you more often than not, expect that they know exactly what you need.

So when it comes to conflict, we often want our spouses to behave in a certain way and we get frustrated when they don’t.

Yet in the end, you are the only person that you can change. It’s your behavior you have control over. So if conflict is being created, you may need to look at your own behavior.

This means that you can choose to learn new behaviors. 

  • So if you are constantly yelling, stop. 
  • If you resort to name-calling, stop doing that.
  • Ignoring the situation? You need to stop doing that too. 

If your behavior is not producing the outcome you want, then you need to stop and look at your own actions. 

Oftentimes we need to be confronted with our own actions in order to realize they are happening, and to make a change. Take action and begin with yourself. 

Next, you need to look at your communication skills and how you are going to communicate with your spouse when conflict arises. Although both of these things feel vulnerable, it’s going to show your spouse what’s truly inside you. 

What you wish for can become a reality but it’s not something that just happens because you’ve asked for it so many times. 

Dealing with conflict requires baby steps in the direction you want to go. You can do it if you start working towards getting on the same page with your spouse.

569: Dealing with Conflict: Part 1 — What Are We Fighting About

571: Dealing with Conflict: Part 2 — I Wish You Would Just…

573: Dealing with Conflict: Part 3 — How I Handle Things

575: Dealing with Conflict: Part 4 — Our Conflict Plan

***If you’re experiencing emotional or physical abuse please call or contact the agencies below for assistance.

Women call:

US: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233
UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Australia: Call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
Worldwide: Visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers.

Men call:

U.S. and Canada: Call the The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women at
UK: Call the ManKind Initiative at 01823 334244
Australia: Visit One in Three Campaign

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Other Resources:

448: Working Out Forgiveness

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